Sunday, September 02, 2007


It has been brutally hot here in the Atlanta area for the past 3 weeks. Also until the past week there has been no rain. Which means I haven't gotten out into the yard. For the first two weeks of August there was no grass growth - in fact it turned brown and crunchy. Then we started getting a bit of regular afternoon rainshowers so it got scraggly looking but was still far too hot to mow. For the past week my yard has looked like crap on toast so today I decided I would mow. It was only getting up to about 82 today and I can handle 82. I can even handle 85 or 90. I cannot handle 107.

I had my coffee and stumbled-upon a bit and then pulled the mower out of the shed, wiped off the squirrel poop, and began in the front yard. When I was ALMOST finished I turned the mower for the final strip in front and on the sidewalk in front of me was a FUCKING SNAKE. Please excuse my language.

I am obviously a total animal person. I believe every living creature has a place on this good earth. I co-habit with spiders and they don't bother me. If they are in my way I move them outside otherwise I let them live happily in whatever corner they choose and when they move on I wipe down the webs. I've seen mice in my house a couple of times and I look at them and wish them good luck in a house with 4 cats. Bears, sharks, wolves, coyote . . . they are all a part of this planet's need and they all have their place. I do not fear them but I do respect them.

Snakes on the other hand? OK maybe they have a planetary place but IT ISN'T MY FUCKING YARD Y'ALL!!! Please excuse my language again but SNAKE and FUCK go together. They horrify me. They terrify me. Even one 3" baby green snake that doesn't even know it's a FUCKING SNAKE yet throws me into an agoraphobic fit that lasts weeks if not months. A couple of months ago I purchased a cheap pair of work boots at Target for the sole (hahaha - I made a funny) purpose of working in the yard because plastic clogs are no good for keeping snakes from crawling up my legs. Nevermind that I rarely see a snake. In order for me to feel safe I knew I needed BOOTS.

So today I was out in my boots (with 2 pair of socks on for extra snake bite protection). I got 90% of the front yard done and this slithering 8" menace slithered out of my yard. I couldn't just stop with only a few feet of grass left to mow. The whole yard overgrown is far less tacky than leaving one little patch undone. I will not be tacky. So I chased this hellish creature with the lawnmower and in the back of my mind I though "Hell. It's only a 2 foot snake and just a baby but Mommy (16 feet long) is certainly around ready to eat me." Successfully the 8 foot snake was chased into the road where it stopped and for once I was grateful for the traffic. I think it got hit but I can't see the carnage from the porch so I'm still freaked out.

I have showered but since I was within 3 yards of this nightmare I am sure I have at least 3 showers ahead of me before dark.

I never got to the backyard.

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