Foreigner at Home

Electric Bill Update and Self-Hatred

2011-09-05T12:57:00.000-04:00

Happy Labor Day to all my US Friends! I thought I would give you an update on my electric bill experiment.

As you might recall, back in late July I received a whopper of an electric bill (for me) at $191. I had been basking in keeping my thermostat at a low temp and enjoying the cool air conditioning. I decided to do a one month experiment to see how low I could get my electric bill. I started only burning lights in room I was in, and burning one light instead of two. Again, I live in a 4 room, 1100 square foot house so this was not a problem. I also turned my daytime AC setting up to 80 and my nighttime setting to 76 (had been 76 days and 72 nights). I'll admit that several times, mostly while cleaning the house, I would get hot enough to manually lower the temp a couple of degrees for a few hours but mostly I stuck with the plan.

I received my bill again in late August and IT WAS $2 MORE than the previous month. I allowed myself 5 minutes of venting to the cats and then sat down to do the math. The previous bill was for 30 days. The new one was for 31 days. And it was extremely hot during the month so presumably the AC had to work harder to keep the house at 80. For my July bill my average daily useage was $6.36/day. For the August bill I lowered it by 0.14/day and it was $6.22/day. This amounted to a 2.2% drop, which amounted to $4.34 less per month.

For me this isn't a significant enough change to warrant being just slightly uncomfortable. If I had to cool a bigger multi-level house and was dealing with a bill twice that amount I think it would make a difference.

For the past 12 months I've been doing a lot of beating myself up about the debt I'm carrying. For the past 15 years I have lived well within my means, certainly using my credit (mostly for home improvements) but paying it off within a few months. In late 2007 I was actually completely out of debt.How did I let this happen?

I took 2 hours to go back through statements and I made a list of the expenses I charged because they were too large for my monthly cash flow to handle:

1. 2 root canals, 2 dental extractions, one crown and one bridge in one year, all in excess of my annual dental insurance limit.

2. $2500 above what was covered by insurance to replace a storm damaged roof. This constituted mostly an upgrade from 15 year to 30 year shingles and I believe it was a sound investment in my home.

3. About $6,500 to redo a small bathroom because of black mold and also because the floor was falling in. I believe this was also a sound invenstment in my property.

4. $1500 for emergency treatment for a cat with extreme breathing difficulties over this past 4th of July weekend. When I adopted her as a rescue I made the committment that I would give her the best care possible. This was a no brainer. I absolutely will always make sure my cats receive the care they need because that is the responsibility I took on when I brought them into my home.

Now I'll admit there was some retail therapy in there. During this period I spent 5 months in Santiago and 1 month in London on business and I did do some shopping but that was minor stuff that would have been paid off in a few months.

The thing I neglected to do was get out of denial about the economy. Every with the large credit cards charges for my health, essential repairs to my home, and essential care of my cat, I should have been able to pay all of this off within a couple of years. But I kept living within my 2006 means even as the economy tanked. Lesson learned. For a couple of years I kept watching the news and saying "Thank God that hasn't touched me" when in fact it WAS touching me. I neglected to begin immediate cutbacks, and this was a mistake.

I also put a bunch of eggs in one basket. I was so sure that once a formal review of my job responsibilities happened my company would realize the immense effort and personal sacrifices I've made and would give at least a small salary increase. And I assure you that there have been immense efforts and personal sacrifices made. But this was not to be, and in today's economy I am fortunate to have a job, and a job that I love, no less.

So I've decided to stop beating myself up. I've buckled down and cut back and I'm tackling this debt one month at a time. It took me 4 years to build it up and by my estimates it will take me 4 years to get out but I'm doing it. I can stand anything for 4 years. I mean, I was married to a man I couldn't stand for 2 years. This is easy in comparison!

Next installment: How I gave myself the raise I needed and improved my health at the same time.

Charitable Giving

2011-08-28T14:03:00.002-04:00

Charitable giving is the one thing no one should give up. And if you aren't doing it, start now! It feels good, and someday you might be in a position where you depend on others to give.

I lost a friend last Monday. I didn't know him - he was one of those friends of a friend on Facebook. I saw his posts for about a year and finally, several months ago, I friended him. Michael was irreverant, with a brilliant wit. Very few days went by when he didn't post something truly off-color on my wall and make me laugh out loud. Michael was one of those people who "got" you from day one, and could see where the line was, and spent his time going right up to it but never crossing it. Not many people have that kind of sense. I have family who don't get me.

So last Monday I started seeing posts about Michael finally ending his journey. I immediately contacted a friend because I thought it was one of his pranks, but I found it disturbing, and I wanted the backstory. Michael truly had passed away.

Michael had ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease). And I didn't even know. He was in a wheelchair, unable to swallow or breathe on his own, unable to speak. But because of the ALS Association and the technology and hospice care they made available he was active and in touch up until 48 hours before he died.

So Tuesday, after the initial tears, I decided the only thing was to take action. I'll be walking in the October 22 ATL Walk to Defeat ALS. I've set a fundraising goal of $1,000, and thanks to the generosity of friends I'm now just over halfway to my goal. A couple of people have given $100, a few have managed $50. Most are in the $10 - $25 range.

My point is: You don't have to give a lot. And if you have $10 or $5 or even $1 to give to a good charity that does good things there is no reason to feel that you aren't doing enough. Just GIVE!

If you truly can't give money, give time. Do a walk, and use the power of social media to raise funds! Use the wonderful, capable body you were given, and make a difference in the world. Donate blood! It doesn't hurt. I promise. Register as a bone marrow donor. For goodness sake make sure you are an organ donor! Here in my state this is connected to your driver's license, and the renewal fee is even discounted if you indicate that you want to be one.

I would have given Michael my marrow, or a kidney, or a portion of my liver if it would have kept him around to make me laugh. He was truly one in a million, and the world is a shade darker without him.

Conspicuous Consumption

2011-08-20T17:44:00.000-04:00

We all do it to some extent. The key is to identify where you're doing it and then CUT IT THE HELL OUT!

I am always amused to read most advice from the experts about cutting back. David Bach's "Latte Factor" comes to mind. His advice is to cut out one trip to Starbucks per day to save something like $1000/year. I don't go to Starbucks anyway. It's COFFEE, people. You can spend $30 on a perfectly fine coffemaker that will last you 10 years and then buy whole bean coffee and grind it in the store yourself for $7/pound and I assure you it's a perfectly good cup of coffee. You could even spring for an expresso/latte machine and you would still be saving. Admit it. What you want is for someone to make you feel important. I hate Starbucks more than Walmart. Walmart certainly is hell, but they offer products people really NEED at a very low price. Starbucks INVENTED a "need" and have sucked money out of people who have bought into the bullshit. I don't need a barista who remembers my name and writes smiley faces on my cup to make me feel important.

OK, PER DAY?!?!?! Are there actually people who go to Starbucks more than once a day?

Again, this is fucking COFFEE. COFFEE, people. Get a fucking clue.

I have a coffemaker. It was $23 on sale. I spend about $14 a month on whole beans that I grind in the store. I can set my coffeemaker to start brewing 10 minutes before I get up in the morning. I can drink coffee all freaking morning IN MY JAMMIES for pennies.

If you go to Starbucks every day you better have 12 months of living expenses in a savings account that you don't touch ever. If you have children you also better have four years worth of college expenses in a different savings account for each one. If you have this and still go to Starbucks every day I need to NEVER EVER hear you whine about not having enough money.

So back to the original topic. CUT IT OUT! A very long term friend of mine is a freelancer in the film industry. She makes well in excess of $100,000 per year. She has a pattern of receiving a check and spending it. On guitars and keyboards (she doesn't play but wanted them in the house so if someone visited and wanted to play they were there). On stupid shit like Hello Kitty crap. On eating out every night because cooking something in her own well equipped kitchen is such a chore. She has no 401(k). She has no savings account. When work doesn't come in she sells her miscellaneous crap on ebay to get through. I earn half what she does. I put 13% into my 401(k). I put $50 per paycheck into a long term savings. I have my debit card set up to put $1.00 into short term savings every time I swipe it. And I've several times offered to lend her a few thousand to get her out of the mess she's in. NOT RIGHT.

STOP SPENDING. Every damned penny saved is a penny earned. Last December I got rid of my landline. For several years the only calls I got were from politicians and telemarketers. I was paying $20 a month to keep the ringer turned off. Do you really need 450 TV channels? I miss my Travel Channel so much but so much of TV can be seen online for free only minutes after it airs. I cut out cable in 2005. I'm still alive.

I eat nutritious, fresh food. I want for nothing. I have six damned cats who all have regular annual vet visits. YOU CAN DO THIS TOO! Just cut out the crap.

On Debt

2011-08-18T20:21:00.000-04:00

Credit is a necessity. You have to have it. Unfortunately, it's far too easy to let it get out of hand. This is the position I find myself in now. I am making my monthly payments on my 3 major credit cards, and in excess of the minimum, but I'm just not comfortable with the amount of debt I'm carrying.

This is not the result of negligence or irresponsibility by any means. It's because, since 2008, I've had several very expensive unplanned for "emergencies," and they have had to go on credit. I'm talking one year where I had so much dental work (root canals, extractions, crowns, bridges) that I exceeded my covered annual limit. BAM. $2000. Then my roof had to be replaced due to storm damage. Yes, it was covered by my homeowners insurance, but I upgraded the quality of the shingles to 30 year, and there was underlying damage to some wood that wasn't covered. BAM. $2500. Last year I discovered black mold in a bathroom that desperately needed to be redone anyway. I called in a contractor to give me an estimate and he discovered that the floor was also falling in. They had to tear it out down to the crawl space and rebuild it. BAM. $5000 for the demo/construction plus an additional $1500 for new fixtures/paint, tile, etc. In July this year Camille had breathing difficulties over the holiday weekend and had to go to the emergency vet clinic. BAM. $1600. In a nutshell it has added up and added up faster than I can keep it paid off.

So I have a plan. I think a plan is crucial. It's one thing to accept that you're carrying too much debt but without a PLAN there's no way out. I now know exactly how I will pay it off. I know exactly how much I am going to pay on each card every month. Barring any additional emergencies I know I will have the two highest interest rate cards paid off in 20 months. This will leave one card to pay off (the lowest interest rate but highest balance) and once the others are paid off I think I can get that one under control in 18 months.

So where am I going to find the fundage to do this? Stay tuned!

The Electric Bill

2011-08-14T10:10:00.002-04:00

I live in Georgia. It gets really hot in the summer. The first two years I lived in this house there was no central air conditioning. It was terribly unpleasant. Luckily there are about 2 months in the spring and 2 months in the fall when neither heat nor air conditioning is necessary, at least not constantly. The other 8 months I'm paying either GA Power or GA Natural Gas far more than I would like.

My last electric bill was $191. I decided it was time to cut back, and I'll share some of what I'm doing.

1. Install a programmable thermostat. I just installed one of these about 2 years ago and I love it. I especially love it on cold winter mornings. I got a cheapo model, about $45. It has already paid for itself.

2. Turn down your water heater! Most folks have their water heater set far higher than is necessary.

3. Ceiling fans. I have ceiling fans in every room. Now, it might seem counterintuitive to install something that runs on electricity in order to lower an electric bill but they do. Hot air rises, cool air falls. Running ceiling fans in the winter keeps the heat distributed. Running them in the summer supplements the AC. Once a week turn them off and dust the blades! The blades pick up an extraordinary amount of dust and dirt. Regularly cleaning this off will keep them running at peak performance. Also, ceiling fans have a switch allowing you to change the direction of the rotation. This should be done seasonally. In the summer the direction should be counterclockwise. In winter change this so the fan runs clockwise.

4. Turn the thermostat up/down by 2 degrees. My personal rule of thumb is that between outdoor temps of 60 and 80 my windows are open. Kind of stupid that I'm OK with 80 when the windows are open and yet I need to have my AC set at 74, right? So little by little I've changed my thermostat. My daytime setting is now 80, and I have it set to go down to 77 at night for comfortable sleeping. I'll admit that will seem a bit extreme to some but I've honestly gotten used to it already. It isn't so bad. If I'm cleaning or if I get on the treadmill I'll do a temporary override and turn it down for an hour or so but 80 is just fine, and with the ceiling fans running it is mostly quite comfortable. I'll revisit my heat settings when the cool weather sets in but I think I can shave a couple of degrees off there as well. I like it a bit on the cold side anyway.

5. Use your curtains and blinds! Don't just open them in the morning and close them at night. I have one bedroom window where the sun just beats in for a couple of hours every afternoon and if I don't close the blinds during this time period it can get quite hot in there.

6. Lights. This is a hard one for me. I live in a very small house. I firmly believe in decorating with light. Especially in the winter I love keeping at least one lamp on in each of my 4 rooms. It makes it cozy and warm and welcoming. I've put a bit of a lid on that. I don't sit in the dark by any means but unless I'm in the room the lights are off. I've replaced the bulb on each of my outdoor lights with CFLs. I will gradually do the same inside as the incandescents burn out.

7. "Ghost" electricity pigs. Unplug your chargers unless you are actively charging something! If you have power strips turn them off at night and when you are away! I realized a few months ago that my TV has a switch. Even when the TV is off, unless the switch is also off it continues to use power. I haven't yet gotten in the habit of turning that switch off at night so I've put a post it note on my bathroom mirror to remind me.

So these are some of the things I'm doing to save in the utility department. I'll get my power bill in the next couple of weeks and I'll be interested to see if these efforts have made a difference. I'll let you know.

Why Frugal?

2011-08-13T13:45:00.003-04:00

Well, duh. Unless you've been living under a rock since 2008 you know why. Unemployment hovers around the 10% mark, especially here in GA. Gas prices are out of control. Prices rise but salaries don't.

My personal story: I started with my company as a temp in December, 2002 after having been unemployed for 5 months. It was the worst 5 months of my life, especially coming on the heels of a divorce. My self-esteem was non-existant. I knew that I was nothing but trash. I borrowed $3000 from my parents to make it through and to make sure the divorce was final. In September, 2003 I was hired permanently and refinanced my house in accordance with the divorce agreement - a full 9 months before I had to. My ex was paid $21,500 for sitting in this house and smoking pot and watching me put sweat equity into it for 2 years while he watched TV. I still have no earthly idea how the court arrived at that figure. I hope he's choking on it and I fully believe in karma.

But I digress.

I've now worked for my company for 8 years. I started as an invoicing person and in 3 months was promoted to a buyer. Less than a year later I was asked to go to Tokyo and I thought this was an excellent investment in my future. While I was in Tokyo for a year my company was sold to a corporate conglomerate. I continued to do whatever was asked of me regardless of personal sacrifice. I traveled for months on end to countries where I did not speak the language and somehow managed to thrive, always knowing that eventually my efforts would be recognized in the form of a fair and equitable raise in salary.

It was not to be. After many phone calls and emails I had a salary review (started in April, 2010 and finalized in February 2011) and oddly enough I am exactly at "market value." Like a cut of fucking meat. How convenient. Also I've had 5 "titles" in the past 5 years. I've been A Project Administrator, Project Manager, Program Manager . . . all of which have searchable salaries on the internet, and all of which have salaries exceeding mine in my location. And now I'm a "Senior Project Analyst" which, oddly enough, is a title there is NO SALARY INFORMATION FOR WHATSOEVER. Hmmmm.

I love my job. Truly I love it. I love what I do and I love the people I work with and so "it is what it is." I've revamped my resume and I could start a job search but frankly I've worked a load of jobs and this is the only one I've ever loved. I know I'm worth more. Not a huge amount more, but I know I'm worth more. And yet, since I love my job, and since I've had 2 tiny salary increases in 8 years that haven't even covered the cost of living increase I've had to find it within myself to cut back so I can continue doing what I love.

With two tiny salary increases in the past 8 years my take home is far less than it was in 2004. Our "contribution" to our health insurance increases every year, even as the benefits are reduced. I've managed to increase my 401(k) contribution to 13% when by now it should be at least 17%, if not 20%. When I started, gas was $1.02/gallon. Now it's $3.50 (as of today in GA). My electricity, gas, home insurance, water . . . all have increased substantially. But not the salary.

That said, I am thankful I am employed. I am thankful that I support myself. I have a small list of "want" items. For instance, I "want" a new bed. My bed is 10 years old and it was the very cheapest thing I could afford when I divorced and my ex took the bed. It was better than sleeping on the floor. So, yes. I want a new bed. I "want" to replace the carpet in my "study." None of this is necessary right now. I am able to feed myself with nutritious, good food. I am able to pay my $659/month mortgage. I am able to provide for my feline family and make sure they have their annual vet visits. I am RICH compared to so many and I have nothing to complain about!

And so I have found ways to be frugal. And so these are things I will share in coming posts.

Time To Resurrect The Blog

2011-08-13T12:40:00.003-04:00

It has been two years since I dropped my blog altogether, and I thought it was about time to resurrect it. So what have I been doing?

I've been working on my home (as usual). I've been working in my yard (as usual). I will catch up on posting about these projects and will make sure I post some photos.

My last work travel was in September/October 2009 when I spent a month in London. It was incredible.

I'm not sure where the blog is going. First and foremost on my mind these days is finding ways to be more frugal, and I'll be posting quite a bit about this topic since I think it's something on everyone's mind.

Last year I started formally indulging my love of cooking, and I am now a volunteer assistant at a local business that holds cooking classes. I started canning last year and I now count this among my favorite activities. I'll be blogging quite a lot about cooking and canning. I think it goes along with the frugal thing.

And, of course, there will be cats. My feline family is now up to 6. One is, I hope, a foster. I need to find her a permanent home where she can be an only cat.

So. Hi again, y'all! I'm looking forward to this! I'll admit that Facebook diverted my attention for a few years and while I still enjoy that it isn't the same kind of outlet that a true blog is.

Are any of you still out there? Please comment if you are.

Snail Mail

2009-11-07T14:26:00.003-05:00

I am on a specific mission this year. Since the internet age the tradition of sending Christmas cards has gone in the can. It is so lovely to receive a Christmas card so I am trying - one woman at a time - to revive this.

Send me your snail mail address and you will receive a Christmas card from me. Nothing special, just a Christmas card.

2009-10-04T13:17:00.002-04:00

Yes I suck. As sister Susannah pointed out this morning IN ALL CAPS on facebook - I have not been updating my blog. Keep in mind please - this was my first ever solo flight project that I was responsible for by myself (with huge support from so many people otherwise I would have died I am certain). Every free moment I had was spent working with the exception of 2 1/2 weekend days out of 6 that I did NOT work and actually went out and saw things and took pictures. Looking back on my expense report I see I did get out of the hotel a few times but mostly had dinner via room service while working. Also I like sleeping a lot - preferably 7-8 hours a night but even this was impossible and I was doing maybe 5 tops. So if it came down to updating the blog or sleeping I'm afraid sleep won out.

I've just loaded my photos onto the hard drive and I really WILL work out a post which hopefully will show and tell you about the wonderful things I saw during my month in London.

From London

2009-09-06T22:27:00.002-04:00

I decided I wasn't going to start posting again until I really had something to say. Well get ready because I arrived in London today. I'll be here a month training staff here. I've already taken a few photos of my accommodations (before I collapsed) and will be posting and filling you all in within the next couple of days.

If there are any of you still out there. . .

No possible title to this one

2009-06-20T18:11:00.002-04:00

There is some family stuff going down now.

The step-father of my sister's husband chose suicide this past week. I think this is the coward's way out and yet I understand the deep pain that would lead to this. As I understand it he slit his wrists and then his own throat.

Sorry to be away so long and then come back with this.

I have been though some deep and very dark times and never could do this to the people I love but I can not pass judgement on a man I met once.

Life is hard. But life is always worth getting through the hard times.

I just don't understand.

"Program" Update

2009-05-17T10:47:00.002-04:00

It's a cloudy rainy Sunday here so I thought I would post a program update.

I've been off my exercise for a few weeks. I stopped because I was having some pretty severe tooth issues with a back molar and every time I got my heart rate up it would throb. Also I was on painkillers and painkillers + treadmill = recipe for disaster. It ended up that the tooth was fractured and beyond repair so it had to come out. Of course I was then 2 weeks out of the habit and so didn't even attempt to work out last week but tomorrow I am back on it and thinking that I will add a little strength training to my routine.

I still can't believe I posted my starting weight for the world to read since it is such a great source of shame and embarrassment for me. It does make it that much sweeter to be able to report that I have almost reached the 30 pound mark. As of this morning I am down to 173. My original plan was to get to 135 by June 30 (my b-day) and that absolutely is not going to happen but it does not discourage me in the least. I hit a very frustrating LONG plateau where I bounced around the same 4 pounds for weeks on end but I broke it and now am making progress. If I don't hit another plateau I might be able to make 160 by June 30 which would thrill me.

I am starting to feel comfortable in my own skin again and I am certainly feeling more comfortable in clothing. To be able to reach in my closet and have unlimited choices there is so great. My neighbor Glenna goes on and on about it and even my vet noticed and commented. I am determined that I will NOT purchase any new clothing until I reach my goal. Fortunately since I work from home this is not an issue. Shorts and t-shirts suffice and lord only knows I have enough jeans in various sizes that I can ditch my "fat" jeans (I can take them off now without unzipping them!) and still have options. These "fat" jeans were tight and very uncomfortable at Christmas. This is TMI I am sure but I have this very pretty Victoria's Secret bra that I have only worn once. When I wore it I got raised welts because it was so tight (don't even ask why on earth I would buy something that didn't fit). It now fits!

I still think the key (for me at least) is NOT to "diet." I am just making healthier choices and reducing my portion size a bit. The exercise is the magic bullet and I am looking forward to getting back to it in the upcoming week. This is a lifestyle change and not a quick fix so the fact that it is taking longer than I had anticipated is OK. Sure I would love to turn 47 all trim and svelt and with Michelle Obama arms but I'll take the slow and steady route and be happy knowing I am doing very good things for myself!

Checking In

2009-05-09T11:57:00.002-04:00

Hi y'all! I thought it was time I checked in. I've been more interesting in doing than in blogging lately!

We've been enjoying quite a lot of rain here in the Atlanta area. After many years of extreme drought we are finally getting much needed moisture and I am so glad I did the extreme yardwork because it looks gorgeous and things are growing like crazy.

Part of my yardwork was clearing out the old pots under the deck. They had been there for years and in fact I had forgotten they were there. I recycled the old plastic ones and scrubbed the terracotta ones and then planted them with petunias, geraniums, basil and 3 varieties of hybrid tomatoes. I have my fingers crossed that the tomatoes do well. One of them already has blossoms! I also have two old fig trees in the upper backyard but haven't harvested anything for years because frankly I couldn't get to them. Now I can and they are thriving and I expect a good fig harvest if I can get to them before the birds do.

And speaking of birds - I am loving having a yard full of them. I have a lot of finches and cardinals but also several varieties of woodpecker and recently a rose-breasted grosbeak couple! I have started buying high quality birdseed at Wild Birds Unlimited but have been frustrated because about half the bag goes to the squirrels. So last week when I drove out to pick up my monthly 20 pounds bag I also spent too much money on a new feeder called the "Squirrel Buster." After one week I know for a fact it will pay for itself before the end of the year. It truly has proven to be 100% squirrel-proof! It has also been a source of great amusement as I watch the squirrels try to outwit it! My excuse for shelling out the dough? I saw something on the news about credit card companies closing down accounts that go unused for a period of time. I have not used my Discover card in almost a year and it has been sitting there with a zero balance. If they closed the account it would really hit my credit score. So being a financially responsible person I used it to buy my feeder and seed! Yaaaaaayyyyy ME!

On a totally unrelated note - I made a resolution in January to USE UP every half used product under my bathroom sinks before purchasing anything additional. For some odd reason I always travel with my own soap, shampoo, etc. and yet I feel the need to take what is provided by the hotels, drag them back home, and store them in my bathroom cabinets. Can I just say that I have not purchased soap or shampoo in 5 months! And I still have probably enough to last me the rest of the year! So I am being frugal AND decluttering!

I promise that more yard photos are coming - I'm just waiting for some lupines and astilbe to come up first.

Hope everyone is enjoying a wonderful spring!

Happy Easter/Passover/Saturday!

2009-04-11T17:00:00.002-04:00

Time to catch up again.

The yard work has continued as it has been possible around the unusual amount of rain we have had here. The rain is very good because we have been in a drought for about the past umpteen years but it makes for difficult times in terms of yardwork so I've picked and cut and pulled as I can.

Most exciting for me is that I have identified 4 holes in my pond liner and patched them. Still not holding water but holding more water than it was before and so I continue my patching. It is a pain but less of a pain than moving all the granite blocks and re-homing the one little goldfish and certainly $10 worth of liner patch is much better than $125 or $150 worth of new liner although I can only put that off for another couple of years.

I continue to work out and in the past 10 days harder than ever. I use a Polar heart rate monitor when I work out to get the most out of my efforts. Polar has a website and a downloadable tool for their products where you can upload your training sessions and keep track of time, distance, and calories burned based on your weight and heart rate. They also have challenges which are posted by other users. I have recently joined 2 challenges. One is Most calories burned by Sept 4 2009 and I am #5 out of 12 on that one. The other is who can train hardest in April and I am 11 out of 26. Not bad for an old lady up against 18 year old Slovokian men! I've become kind of obsessive about it though. I burn between 600 - 700 calories a day on the treadmill and the competitor in me wants to do 3 or 4 sessions a day so I can WIN but I just don't have it in me.

On an entirely unrelated note I have a recipe for all bird lovers out there. I love my backyard birds and I keep them in really good birdseed and suet cakes. Suet cakes can get pricey though so I searched the innernets and found a recipe:

2 cups yellow corn meal
1/2 cup el-cheapo crunchy peanut butter
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup bacon grease (you can use store bought lard but not as good - the bird go apeshit over the bacon grease. I have several friends saving it for me.)

I also add other crap that is going bad in my pantry. Once I added stale Rice Krispies. A few times I have ground up old nuts (almonds, walnuts) that I once would have tossed. Recently I found dried mealworms at Wild Birds Unlimited and added them to my last batch. You can also add cheap birdseed to fill it out. This is actually "spreadable" which means you can spread it on a tree or throw it on the ground or whip up a hanging block of wood and spread it on that. I have seen birds watch me come out with the container and by the time I get back inside they are all OVER the feeder.

Update on Princess: We continue to deal with her "issues." She still does not want to be picked up but she now will get on the sofa and if I stay very still she will rest her front paws on my leg and sit for a moment or two. She is a sweet girl and totally belongs in this family. She now plays with Mackie and is beginning to play with Phoebe. She lived in a garage by herself for 3 years (when she wasn't in a cage at PetSmart waiting to be adopted) and so she loves looking out the windows at the yard. I love all my cats so much but Princess is a survivor and a tough little cookie and I just adore her and love watching her make progress. I feel enormous guilt that I did not bring her home 2 years before I did but I think she forgives me. She is happy and healthy and it took a while but she managed to land in a great home - MINE!

Life is good.

Pushing Through the Plateau

2009-03-25T11:29:00.002-04:00

Y'ALL! I have to blog about this, especially considering my previous post about weight loss and focusing on myself this year. It took me a long time to do that post because I was kind of terrified that I would jinx it all. And after I posted that is exactly what seemed to happen.

For the past 3+ weeks I have been on a plateau. Two pounds down, three pounds up, one pound down, one pound up. I am weighing myself every morning which many "experts" say you should not do but it is what works for me. The past 3 weeks have been utter misery, especially because I was hovering just above my next milestone but could not break it. I was getting on the fucking treadmill religiously but seeing no results. When I was in my 20s I could drop extra weight with little to no effort. Now that I am in my 40s with a hysterectomy under my belt it is HARD!

Last week I decided I had to push through it. I ramped up the treadmill work. I didn't do this by increasing my time but by increasing my average heartrate. I walked faster and even RAN!

Since I began this little journey I have not deprived myself. If I feel like I want a cheeseburger I make myself wait 2 days and if I still want that cheeseburger I go to Burger King. Every now and then I will buy a small bag of chips or a candy bar and then I will make it last. I haven't cut out anything, I've just adjusted my attitude and my portions. But last week I got all drill sargeant on myself. I knew I HAD to see some results if I was to have the incentive to continue getting on the fucking treadmill.

And I did it! After 3 weeks of bouncing around the same 3 pounds I finally got 4 off and it has held! I have broken through my milestone and am well on my way to the next one.

I am so embarrassed to put the numbers out there. But maybe it's time to do it.

I kind of started this back in October/November but only casually - I decided to wait until after the holidays and of course New Year's was the obvious choice. I got terribly sick the first week of January to the point where I couldn't eat and I didn't get started on my plan. When I weighed myself for the first time the second week of January I was 200 pounds. I am sure I was at least a little above that at some point but that was the official starting point. 200 pounds made me officially obese. I didn't want to leave my house. None of my clothing fit and the clothing that did fit didn't feel good on my body.

This morning I got up and weighed and I am at 175.

Y'all know I work from home and my uniform is sweatpants and sweatshirts. In the summer it is shorts and t-shirts. If I leave the house I wear my jeans. I have noticed for several weeks that my jeans are loose, even just out of the dryer. That has made me very happy. It had gotten to the point where even my fattie jeans were uncomfortable but now I can take them off without unbuttoning/unzipping them!

Today our CEO did a global webcast for 90 minutes. It got very dull and I needed to amuse myself but wanted to keep listening so with my bluetooth on I stripped down and started trying on things in my closet.

The cute things that last spring were uncomfortable are now cute! My shoulders and arms look good in them! I have 3 shirts that still have the tags on them. One I bought the yeear I was in Japan (2005) and I have never worn because it was too small. I bought it because it was cute. Now I can wear it! I have 2 shirts (office wear quality) that I bought 2 years ago and have never worn. They were on sale. They now fit and fit well! I have 2 pair of nice khakis that I am within maybe 5 pounds of wearing. I can zip them up but they are still just slightly tight.

I am not yet in my skinny jeans and in fact I did not even try them on today. But I now have a closet full of very nice things that I can wear! When and if I have to travel to the UK for a month I will not need to go out and buy anything unless I lose a lot more weight and all of this is far too small for me.

I have 25 pounds to go before I will consider myself in range. My doc says 150 is where I should be. I think I should be 135 so that means 40 more pounds to go. My goal date is June 30 which is my 47th birthday. If I have to travel to the UK for a month I am sure I will not reach my goal by then but I know now that I can push through.

I wish I loved to exercise. I wish I was the kind of person who woke up and lived for the moment I could start sweating. I am not. But honest to God y'all that is the key. Every day that I force myself to strap on my Polar and get moving is a good day. I hate it - but it makes me feel good. And obviously it is working.

How did I treat myself? I got online and ordered two pair of Crocs! One pair in orange and one in fuscia!

Just wait til I hit 150!

McLovin's Big Night Out

2009-03-21T20:17:00.002-04:00

My cats are all indoor cats. We live on a posted 25 MPH street where traffic goes up to 75 MPH and it is just far too dangerous. Sonny is allowed outside on warm sunny days because he is just far too old to jump the back fence. But the rest are strictly indoor. When it is warm enough to have the windows open they have full access to the front screened in porch via my two living room windows which do not have screens. I open the windows and they can come and go as they please.

The front porch is the favorite place for Phoebe and Mac. Camille likes it but she despises the traffic noise and if she hears something loud coming she scoots back in immediately. But Phoebe and Mac I think would be happy to live out there.

Yesterday was a warm day and the windows were open and the cats were on the porch. About dusk it got chilly enough that I had to close up the house and turn on a little heat. I went on the porch without turning on the light and there were no cats there so I closed up and watched a bit of TV and then turned in early to read. I lasted not too long before I turned out the light and fell asleep.

For some reason at 2 am I woke up. I can count on Mac to always be on the bed with me. He might not be there when I get in but without fail he has always been there if I wake up in the middle of the night. He wasn't there last night. I got up for a glass of water and decided to do a head count. They were all ther but Mac was not. I decided maybe I had missed him on the porch so turned on the porch light and went to check. He wasn't there but one of the screens was completely pushed out and torn away from the frame! I panicked.

I put on my shoes and at 2 am went out in the front yard calling him. This is a cat who has never been outside since he was rescued. This is a cat who loves sleeping on his back in the middle of the bed. This is a cat whose favorite activity is to take his play mousies into the kitchen (because the floor is bare vinyl) and chasing them around for hours. This is a cat who is entirely happy living inside. I knew he did not have the street smarts to be outside on his own and I was scared.

From the front I made my way around to the side yard. Calling him I heard a far away meow. It didn't sound like him but it was a meow in response to my calls so I kept walking toward it. My journey took me back around the house into the gate and into the backyard. I kept following it and calling and walking up into the far backyard and all the way to the back fence. To my dismay the meow I heard was coming from far outside the back fence.

I managed to open the back gate which was only recently cleared of ivy and walked into the trolly track easement, still following the weak meow. I know the voice of each of my cats. They each have a very distinct voice. But this was not a voice I recognized. This was a weak and tiny voice. But I kept calling and shining my flashlight and eventually I heard something moving through the leaves and underbrush. I called and called and finally MAC came out of the woods! I grabbed him which he hates and so he struggled with me as I found my way back to the gate and then into the backyard and down to the house.

I inspected him thoroughly and he had no injuries and not so much as a burr on him. He ate a little bit and while I tried to wind down he got in the middle of the bed and fell asleep.

All day I've reminded him of how lucky he and the others are to have such a good home and such a good Mommy who would get up and look for him in the middle of the night. But I am the one who is lucky.

Today I went to Home Depot and got a huge roll of screen and tomorrow I will fix the damaged area and do regular patrols for anything that needs to be replaced. Until that happens the porch is a restricted area!

Princess

2009-03-15T13:24:00.003-04:00

I'm coming clean here. 8 weeks ago I adopted yet another cat.

I am not a "collector." My absolute upper limit is 5 cats. I can provide for 5 cats and make sure they receive excellent care. I am pretty sure that I could not add a sixth and provide excellent care so 5 is my limit.

Princess had a very sad story. She is 3 years old. A no-kill rescue organization saved her from a county shelter 2 1/2 years ago just before she was to have been euthanized. This organization brings cats in to my local PetSmart every Saturday from noon - 6 pm for adoption and I first saw Princess there just after she was rescued 2 1/2 years ago. I fell in love with her immediately and I wanted to bring her home with me but my job-buzz told me I would be going to South America "any day now" and I could not justify bringing a new cat in only to leave for months on end. So I didn't bring her home and I also stopped going to PetSmart on Saturdays. My bleeding heart could not take it.

A few times since then I have, out of scheduling and necessity, ended up at PetSmart on a Saturday and Princess was still there. I tried to ignore it and tried to not feel guilty. In January I ended up there again on a Saturday and Princess was NOT THERE!!! I got so excited and I approached the woman in charge of the adoptions and mentioned that I was so HAPPY that Princess had found a home! She told me Princess had not found a home but had developed a bad enough case of cage-rage that she was now considered "unadoptable" and was living in this woman's garage with virtually no human contact. They were thinking about having her put to sleep to end her misery.

I told her to BRING ME THE CAT!!!! As long as I have space for another there is no such thing as an "unadoptable" cat.

Princess came home with me in mid January. For the first 2 weeks she pretty much stayed under the bed and anyone who made the mistake of walking in the bedroom got an earful of growls and hisses. It was like there was a 200 pound satanic troll living under my bed and we were all slightly scared. I began to think I had made a very bad decision.

Then one night I woke up in the middle of the night and Princess was on the bed pressed up against me. I stroked her and talked to her and she let me and I heard her purr for the first time. And ever since she has made huge progress.

She now actually lets me pick her up from time to time for a minute or so. She is learning to trust me and every day I work with her on trust issues. She has made fast friends with her brothers and sisters. She is very protective of me and if she hears something outside she will run to the window and growl. She is learning so fast and has made the most remarkable progress.

Princess had her first visit to Dr. Aponte Friday for her rabies shot and annual exam and I warned them that I could not be certain about how she would behave. She ended up behaving like a true Princess and I was so proud of her! I told them her story and Dr. A came around the exam table and hugged me. It seems she has been very disheartened lately with clueless pet "owners" and the staggering increase in abandoned pets due to the economy and she told me Princess's story made her week.

No cat should ever be tagged as "unadoptable." Given a bit of love, space and patience nothing is impossible.

More Yard Progress and PI

2009-03-12T18:08:00.009-04:00

More progress was made over the past week. I was able to get out Thursday and Friday afternoons last week for an hour or so and several hours each Saturday and Sunday. 24 more bags on the street come Monday pickup.

A few before and after shots to show the huge progress.

The area around the magnolia before:

And after:

Between the shed and deck before (primo snake area):
And after:

The way upper backyard before:

And after:

In addition to hurting (I cannot make a fist and find things as simple as picking up a small object are almost impossible) I have major poison ivy. I did not see poison ivy but something poison was in all that rootage I pulled out of the ground because my forearms are like hamburger meat and the left side of my face makes me look like I'm dating Chris Brown. I am so serious. It is bad.

You will not often hear me say something like this but thankfully some cooler, rainy weather is moving in tonight which should give me a chance to heal before the next bout of yardwork comes around.

This is such a huge accomplishment. There is still so much detail work to be done but that is easy stuff in comparison.

Extreme Yardwork

2009-03-01T09:28:00.008-05:00

I have a rather big backyard. It has always been rather "natural" (not landscaped) but I try to keep it maintained. Lots of trees means lots of raking. Because the back of my lot is against the old trolley track easement owned by the city, and because the city does not maintain this area, I have always had an ivy problem. As long as I keep it cut back everything is OK but if a year goes by and I don't do maintenance it becomes a problem.

So I realized that the last time I did any kind of maintenance back there was spring 2004, and not a great deal that year. Let me 'splain.

2004: I re-did my bathroom and had my chimney rebuilt from the roofline up. Then I went to the Caribbean in July where I ruptured both Achilles and was in a wheelchair for 8 weeks.

2005: I was in Japan the whole year.

2006: I had a hysterectomy in the spring and it took quite a while to fully recover. Hard yardwork not really an option.

2007: I was here, I was healthy, and I managed to get a little bit done but was working mainly in the areas directly outside the house. Since these areas had been ignored so long that was a huge undertaking.

2008: I was in Chile.

The key is that all this work needs to be done in the early spring. By Memorial Day the heat in Atlanta is too much to be doing more than simple upkeep. Also there is the snake factor. I hate snakes. I am terrified of snakes. If I am mowing the yard and I see a snake I stop immediately and go inside and leave the mower where it is. If it gets stolen I don't care. This is how much snakes terrify me. So upper backyard work MUST be accomplished prior to snake weather.

We had a couple of lovely warm weekends in February and I got started. I don't have full "before" photos but I do have a few that will give you an idea.

This area beside the shed was a mess - ivy, blackberry vines, leaves, debris, vines on the fence . . . This is where I started.

I raked the lower backyard thoroughly and cleared all the dead planting stuff from around the pond.

To orient you - the tree in the center of the above photo is a huge magnolia. Magnolias have the biggest, toughest leaves. They don't even compost they are so tough. You see the dirt before the patchy grass starts around the pond? The ivy was all the way to there and up into the magnolia tree. I got all of that cleared.

Since I began in February and as of this morning I have put 43 Lowe's bags on the street PLUS all the branches I've picked up. I have in my possession 22 empty Lowe's bags and fully intend to have them all filled before the weekend is over.

After all this work and all these bags what could I possibly have left to do you ask?

Just this.

And that.

I'll take more photos Sunday to show you the progress! I really do think I can get all of this done before heat and snakes move in.

I have a Brit co-worker who, in addition to earning what I am certain is a huge salary (he is one of the top IT people), owns several of his own companies. He lives in a multi-million dollar MacMansion in a swanky neighborhood. He asked me why I don't just "hire a gardener."

Right. I'm going to get right on that. But until then I am thoroughly enjoying being outside on my own property sweating a little.

Back Due to a Sound Spanking

2009-02-28T16:44:00.004-05:00

I called Aussie Paul Friday afternoon (his Saturday morning). I had not talked to him in forever and vow to call more often. He is so good about sending me cards and notes and I am so bad at doing this! Aussie Paul seems to be going through a lot of the same things I am so this post is for you my darling Paul!

I have been working on changing my life and this is part of why I haven't posted much in the past couple of months. Paul mentioned that he checks my blog and noted the lack of updates so I promised myself that I would post something this weekend!

For the past 13 years I have been putting people and things much higher on my priority list than my own health and well being. I mulled this over a lot once I got back from South America and in October I began making small changes. In November I decided that 2009 would be the year of ME. That sounds so self-absorbed. Really it isn't. If I drop dead from self-neglect it isn't going to do my company any good.

In 1996 I met my ex and he became my priority. He was extremely high maintenance and I focused every bit of energy I had on him. In 2001 I kicked his miserable ass out and embarked on beginning my recovery. I found a new job (my present one) and put everything into it. I worked the long hours, traveled, and lived far outside my comfort zone which for me was an awakening. I am truly not the person I was even a handful of years ago. The problem was I put job at #1 and this after putting the ex at #1. So I found myself in December looking at a fat, pasty, out of shape, unhealthy person.

I decided to make 2009 the year of ME because it suddenly sank in that I am not getting any younger, I want to live a long and healthy life, and I want to be the best I can possibly be.

I know I have a family history of high blood pressure, high cholesterol and heart problems. This was heavy on my mind when I came back from Santiago after spending 6 months eating every meal in restaurants and red meat for practically every meal! I am quite sure I gained at least 20 pounds while there and I was carrying too much weight to begin with. The last cholesterol test I can remember the numbers of was in my late 20s and it was 216 at that time.

I function with lists. If I make a list I can generally tick off the items. If I don't things never are attended to. I knew I needed to begin exercising. I knew I needed to add supplements to my daily routine. So I made a weekly checklist. It's all on there. I print one out every Sunday night and it gets posted on my whiteboard. Every single day, as I do the things I need to do for my own health, I check them off my list.

So here is what I've been doing. At least 4 times a week I get on the treadmill and walk for one hour - 3 miles+. I wear my Polar heartrate monitor which tracks my caloric expenditure which I then upload on the web so I have a diary of my accomplishments week by week. I highly recommend this little device. I want to lose weight but just getting on a treadmill isn't going to do it. It takes me 10 full minutes to get my heartrate up to aerobic zone. With the monitor I can see exactly what I am doing and add to my walking if my heartrate drops below the aerobic zone (increase incline, add light handweights, etc). It allows me to use every second of my hour for maximum bang.

I take a daily multivitamin, 2 baby aspirin, omega 3 fish oil, two tums (for calcium) and red yeast rice to lower my cholesterol. And yes I did take a full list of everything I am taking in to my doctor and got his blessing and praise for what I am doing. I also drink a concoction of 3 tbsp apple cider vinegar with a teaspoon of raw unfiltered honey with 8 ozs of water every day. And I drink at least 2 cups of high quality green tea each afternoon.

Since Christmas, and as of this morning, I have lost 22 pounds. I had a full bloodwork done 3 weeks ago and my cholesterol is at 182 total (HDL is 49 and LDL is 114). All other results are smack dab in the middle of the acceptable range. My attitude is mostly excellent, I have at least twice the energy I did 6 months ago, and rather than sit and worry about my health I feel so good about it!

I still have a way to go. I would like to lose more weight. My doctor and I rarely have differences of opinion. He thinks I should ideally be at 150. I think 140 would be acceptable and 135 preferable. Whatever. What I will NOT do is starve myself or kill myself to get to 135. What I WILL do is continue what I am doing now. I will turn 47 on June 30 and if I can continue to lose 2.5 - 3 pounds a week I will turn 47 at a healthy weight. If I can get to this goal I will get a tattoo. A small, discreet tattoo. I will also buy some decent clothing. For years I have refused to buy clothing because really the next step is Lane Bryant. The day I walk into Lane Bryant is the day I get into bed and refuse to get out.

I also want to get my LDL below 100 and maybe in the bargain raise my HDL a few points. I highly (highly highly) recommend red yeast rice. Note that it must be taken with niacin but the brand I take has the niacin built in. I am certain that I was courting a cholesterol count of at least 230 or 240 by the time I returned from Santiago so to get my results and see 182 was nothing short of amazing for me. I am certain this was due to the red yeast rice.

I do not ever want to have to be on regular medication if this is possible but I am now taking a low dose blood pressure med and hopefully if I can keep up the exercise and good dietary changes I can back off of it in 6 months or a year. I have a BP machine and I monitor myself a couple of times a week to keep track of my progress. I would rather take a pill every morning temporarily than have to hire someone to wipe my ass for the rest of my life.

So there it is. The year of ME. It takes only about 90 minutes a day to add my checklist items to my routine and you know what? I think I am worth 90 minutes a day.

Long Time - I have a Story

2009-02-19T17:28:00.003-05:00

Hi all - I have been doing stuff which I will blog about later. Blogging has not been on my radar too much lately so apologies.

Today I will tell a story that I told a friend of mine today when he called and asked how things were. Follow me here.

About a month before I turned 18 I graduated from boarding school and moved to Boston with my eventually-to-be-first-ex-husband. I was to enter Boston College in the fall and we moved there in early June.

On June 30 1980 I turned 18 and for my birthday my man got me a beautiful little parakeet. I named him Keats after the poet. He was very tame and had the full run of the basement apartment where we lived. He was put inside his cage at night but when I was in the apartment he had the full run of the house.

In the autumn after he came to us the apartment developed a fly problem which is pretty usual for Boston. One day I bought a roll of flypaper and hung it in the "window" of the kitchen. Keats was outside his cage and I was writing a paper and all of a sudden Keats started flying down the short hallway towards the kitchen. As I saw him fly I understood immediately what was going to happen. I ran to the kitchen and Keats had flown directly into the flypaper! By the time I got there 3 seconds later he had already flapped himself into a very bad situation. Bad. Very bad.

I looked at this beautiful little bird wrapped in unforgivingly sticky death paper and my heart dropped. I realized then and there that I had two choices.

1. I could take down the strip of fly paper with Keats wrapped in it but still very much alive and throw him in the trash bin and live with that the rest of my life. or
2. I could deal with it 100% to the very best of my ability even though the situation seemed hopeless.

I went with #2. A centimeter at a time I pulled the paper off his tiny beautiful body. Most of his feathers came with it and I am sure it was so very painful for him. When we finally finished he was still sticky and could not live like that so I doused him in flour. This was just a guess on my part but it worked and over the next months he managed to preen the sticky gunk off and his feathers regrew and he lived a long and healthy beautiful life.

I bring this up because it was a life lesson that I remember almost daily.

I woke up this morning with an impossible job before me. I wanted to just throw it away but I knew if I did it would haunt me forever. So I decided to peel the flypaper of despite the pain and give it a chance.

Tonight I do indeed hurt and I have many feathers gone but they will grow back and this lesson will continue to bring me through the rough times.

The Healing Has Begun

2009-01-21T16:32:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I watched change. I watched 2 million people spend hours walking and standing in freezing cold temperatures because THEY WANTED TO WITNESS THE REBIRTH OF HOPE!!! 2 million people in one small area of one small town in the US and not one single arrest.

Yesterday a man who listens became President. Yesterday the people of the US found their voice again. Yesterday we stepped over a threshold where each and every one of us matter again.

The reign of no information is over. The muddying of the government has ended. The arrogant man who felt it was his right to "interpret" the Constitution to suit his whims has flown back to what we hope is terminal obscurity in Texas and the man who is his EXACT opposite walked into the Oval Office this morning, took off his suit jacket, and began to right the wrongs.

I have now received 5 emails from good friends in other countries offering congratulations. The entire world shares the hope we feel.

" . . . a government of the people and by the people and for the people . . . " Finally.

I KNIT A MOTHER OF GOD SOCK Y'ALL!!!!

2008-12-29T17:06:00.009-05:00

OK so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year blah blah blah. I haven't been around. I traveled to the great north country to spend Christmas with my parents and one cancelled flight and a night in a stuffy loud motel later I am home and getting the house spiffed up for the New Year.

But what I have to tell you about is my fucking SOCK y'all!!!! I am the one hit wonder of the knitting world. Since I started knitting I have done 13 baby blankets - 12 in one pattern and one in another. Baby blankets are easy and the one pattern I have done over and over has become a no brainer that I can do while on conference calls. Two years ago I did an easy bulky sweater and I love it but I don't wear it outside of my house. I have a stack of hand knit dish cloths in my laundry room. My dishcloths taught me some simple stitches. That is the extent of my knitting. Nice, easy flat things.

I decided this time last year that 2008 would be my year to begin branching out in the knitting department. (also I decided to quit smoking and lose weight but let's not go there) In July I even purchased sock yarn. Then I knit two more baby blankets. Knowing I was going home and that my father had knit all four of his grandchildren Christmas stockings I decided this was my opportunity to knit a sock with tutors present and so I struggled through getting it started on the double pointed needles and then packed it.

Suffice it to say that neither of my knitting parents were much help although God love them they tried. I ended up Christmas Day sitting on the sofa with my laptop pulling up youtube videos of how to knit a sock and yelling at them to shut up so I could concentrate.

And I finally figured the damned thing out! Look at this!

It even GOES ON MY FOOT!

It isn't pretty or fashionable but I KNIT A FUCKING SOCK Y'ALL!!!!

When I landed yesterday I came home and unpacked and started a load of laundry and loved on the cats and then I went to Walmart for another skein to make the mate. And lo and behold it seems I learned a whole lot from doing the first one because the second is much tighter and the stitches are more even. Look at them side by side (second one I have done the heel flap and turned the heel about to start on the body of the foot):

Here is sock 1 with sock 2 (in progress) on top to give you an idea of how much I have improved in only one sock:

I have a few friends who think knitting is for old ladies and that I have fallen into drooling and eating pureed food. Not true. Knitting is cool. Knitting is hip. When I have gone into my local knit shop to beg for help I get it from 20-somethings. Who have cool tattoos and piercings. You can not imagine the sense of accomplishment. I think by completing my first sock I have accomplished more personally than I did all year professionally.

The pattern I used for my first sock was incredibly easy (although it could have been easier) and can be found here: http://www.royea.net/sock.html

I did need some help after turning the heel and I found it here - which is hands down the ONLY reason I have a completed sock today and the courage to go on: http://www.cometosilver.com/socks/SockClass_Beginning.htm

I am now rabid about doing socks. I want to do maybe one more pair of the basic pattern to make sure I am comfortable with it and then I plan to begin branching out into real patterns. I am so excited!

OK that's all for now. Got to get back to my second sock and get it finished!

Cutting Costs

2008-12-06T09:58:00.002-05:00

It has been a challenging year financially. When the year started I was riding a very small, very manageable amount of credit card debt.

And then the rat problem. When one leaves a very old house sitting empty as long as my house sat empty (with only a few weeks of exception that was October 1 2007 - June 1 2008) critters tend to move in as squatters and I did have some critters in the attic and crawl space and this had to be taken care of. To the tune of almost $3000.00. Which went on credit card.

Then came the dental problems. I had a root canal/crown. Then another root canal. Then I found out I had met my maximum dental coverage but I needed to have the first root canal tooth pulled and have a bridge. Which had to all be paid out of pocket. To the tune of almost $3000. Which went on credit card.

So now I'm carrying about 4 times the debt I feel comfortable carrying. I can and do make payments in excess of the minimum and I haven't touched my emergency savings which, at this point, amounts to about 4 - 5 months of living expenses but I just simply don't feel comfortable. So I am working on ways of cutting back, even if it is only a few bucks here and there.

Last month I negotiated a deal with my landline/DSL carrier and cut my monthly bill by $30. This morning I cut back my personal cell phone, which I rarely use but don't want to give up entirely. I shaved another $20 from that monthly bill. I have weather stripped every window and door in the house but got my gas bill this week and in a month where the weather was warm enough several days to have the windows open it was still too high. So I got out the socks and sweaters and turned the heat down about 8 degrees. In the past I would regularly throw away spoled veggies and left overs but now I make a huge effort to make sure I do not waste anything. I've been clipping coupons and printing them off the internet. Christmas will be scaled back a little this year. Normally I go all out but this year I'm cutting back just a bit and I took advantage of deep discounts and free shipping on Cyber Monday to do a lot of my shopping. I'm looking for an online work from home part time job that I can work nights and weekends.

I'm not complaining mind you. I have a great job and a roof over my head and my bills are paid and there is food on my table. I'm just saying that I've come a long way. Instead of pulling a pillow over my head I'm very realistic about things. I've educated myself and opened up my ears. It makes all the difference in the world.

Life is good.

Happy Thanksgiving to my US Friends

2008-11-26T18:56:00.002-05:00

My turkey is brining in the fridge. Before I get in bed tonight I will rinse it and set it to dry uncovered in the fridge for the optimum crispy and delicious skin. I do hope this works - it is the first time I have attempted this method.

I made the tomato aspic salad this afternoon and it is congealing in the fridge now, soon to be garnished with a bit of caviar and consumed without mercy.

I will wake up in the morning and prepare the oyster stuffing. I unintentionally purchased too many oysters and I look forward to enjoying them while I cook along with the cocktail sauce I also unintentionally purchased. I will unintentionally eat them for breakfast I think.

I love preparing this meal. I missed out on it last year due to the fact that I was stuck in Mexico City. It will only make this year that much more enjoyable.

There is so much I am thankful for and although I do try to remember these things every day it is truly wonderful to have one day out of 365 where the entire focus of the day is remembering and being grateful for all I have. My life is modest but I have all I need and that is more than many can say. I try to never forget this.

So Happy Thanksgiving!

Putting Things Off Is So Stupid

2008-11-22T22:05:00.002-05:00

So in early summer 2007 I got a wireless router and I got it set up so that I could work from home from anywhere. On good weather days I would sit on the porch for a couple of hours and I could choose to sit in the kitchen or living room or at my desk. Very important to have variety when you work from home. I was happy and all was well.

Last March I came home from Chile for 3 freaking days to find that my Bellsouth modem had blown out during my absence. They got me a replacement before I headed back out but I didn't set it up right. I came home twice after that but the wireless always worked even if the hard-wired PC didn't so I let it slide.

This has pissed me off for the past 6 months and today I tackled it. I didn't want to but I was tired of being pissed off. I wanted to put the work laptop away on the weekends and use this PC.

DONE! The actual work to get it online took about 15 minutes. I have no idea what I did but finally it worked. Then I tackled the wad of knots of line under my desk and get them all un-knotted and wrapped all the slack with velcro wire wrappie thingies.

Also I watered the plants, went to the store and bought my turkey, made an eye doctor appointment, and did a full pattern round on my knitting project. And got my Chicken Satay dinner for tomorrow night marinating.

I still have vacation time which must be burned before 12/31 or it will be lost so I am taking Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off so I have a full week with the 2 day Thanksgiving holiday. I think I have made MAJOR progress already.

I am feeling quite proud of myself.

Google Translator for Skype - the great equalizer

2008-11-19T19:38:00.002-05:00

In high school I had a shitload of French and I was close to being low level fluent. I also had 3 years of German but it mixed up with the french and I failed everything in fluent frerman. It seriously screwed me up and I wish I had not added another language.

Flip to me 28 years later. I lived in Japan for a year and learned a lot of the 3 alphabets but not a lot of that crazy language. Then to South America to live in Spanish which I learned a shitload of thanks to French but never felt comfortable speaking let alone writing.

Then Sam turns me on to google translator for skype. And now I can type in English and immediately have a translation into Spanish. Or any other language. My Spanish contacts assure me this device is at leat 98%accurate.

Totally recommend this add in for skype.

This has already made my daily business life so much easier!

Could We Just Get Something Straight Here?

2008-11-08T10:32:00.002-05:00

One of my pet peeves is the widespread misuse of the verb "utilize." I hear it used incorrectly every day and thought I would take this opportunity to clear up some confusion.

"Use" and "utilize" are two verbs with distinct meanings. Don't confuse them.

"Use" is to employ objects for the purposes they were designed for.

"Utilize," on the other hand, is to employ objects for unintended purposes.

Authoritative proof:

The Oxford English Dictionary defines the verb use as "to make use of (some immaterial thing) as a means or instrument; to employ for a certain end or purpose."

But utilize is defined as "to make or render useful; to convert to use, turn to account."

MSN Encarta Dictionary defines to utilize as “to make use of something, or find a practical or effective use for something.”

And here is the logical proof of the crucial distinction between these two verbs: the logical extreme of "use" is "abuse," referring to the act of using something in ways that is contradictory to its original "mission statement" or designed function.

But there is no corresponding logical extreme for "utilize" like, let's say, "disutilize" or "abutilize" since by its very definition, to utilize something means to use it in ways that is different than the purpose for which it was originally designed or created. "Abuse," so to speak, is a built-in semantic component of "utilize."

WRONG: "The TV set utilizes coaxial cable to connect to the antenna." (A TV unit and a coaxial cable were meant to be used together, by definition.)

CORRECT: "The TV set uses coaxial cable to connect to the antenna.

CORRECT: "The TV set utilizes paper clips to connect to the antenna." (A TV set is not designed to use paper clips to connect to the antenna. That's a highly unusual improvisation and -- in the stretched sense of the word -- an "abuse" of paper clips.)

SOURCE: http://ezinearticles.com/?Writing----How-To-Use-Use-Versus-Utilize-Correctly?&id=479574

For All of the 40+ somethings out there!!!

2008-11-06T23:24:00.002-05:00

Three Dog Night!

I Can Not Believe

2008-11-05T00:03:00.001-05:00

I just can not believe that I have lived to see this day. And I am so proud to be an American today.

OMG

2008-11-04T23:04:00.001-05:00

We DID IT!!!!!!!!!! It happened!!!!!!!

Yessssssssssssssssssss!

The Numbers Are Coming In Now

2008-11-04T19:05:00.002-05:00

Finally. Last night I tossed and turned. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 1 am. at 4:50 the alarm went off and with fewer than 4 hours of sleep I woke up and I WAS FUCKING EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!

I got up to my polling place at 5:50 am and was #35 in line. I met some neighbors and a load of first time voters and we talked and laughed and the 70 minutes passed quickly. When the doors opened there was a visible surge and the line tightened up.

When I actually cast my vote in my 8th presidential election I was more excited than I was in 1980 (my first time). I took my time because I wanted to go back through the screens several times to just see my electronic mark beside Obama/Biden before I let it go. I wanted to dance and cry at the same time.

This is why - if this doesn't show why he WILL be President I don't know what will. A President doesn't need to stomp people down - that is a dictatorship. A President needs to FIRE PEOPLE UP!

If you have a leaking pipe you do not hire a piano tuner you hire an experienced plumber because a piano tuner, no matter his or her experience, will NOT WORK and you will be left with leaks.

ARE YOU FIRED UP?!?!?!?!

(PS If you did not vote you do not get to answer. Ever. Because you have chosen to have no voice. My one voice might be very small compared to the full picture but I voiced it and so I get to have a say.)

BOO Y'ALL!

2008-10-31T22:20:00.001-04:00

Early Voting/AdvanceVoting

2008-10-30T17:03:00.003-04:00

I never considered this option until this year. But several things came into play for me in my decision to wait until Tuesday.

1. The last time I cast a vote in a Presidential election was 2004. I told Miss Jessie I would drive her up to the library and we got there at 6:45 at which time there was already a line around the building. Because she was 92 at the time everyone in line passed her up to the front and since I was her driver we were voting by 7:10 am and out of there. I do not anticipate this kind of kindness. In fact in 2004 I did not anticipate it but it was a nice thing and if you don't want to stand in line for hours I strongly suggest you drive an extremely old person to your polling place.

2. There was a problem with the earlyvoting in another county. The little ovals you were supposed to fill in for your candidate were too small and the lines around them were too thick for the electronic reader to read them and so 19,000 absentee ballots had to be recreated by hand by government workers. I want my fucking ballot to be fucking read the way I fill it out.

3. Every night on the evening news it has been reported that the lines for the early/advance Voting locations are experiencing lines from 2 - 6 hours in length. If I am going to wait I will wait on election day.

3. There is just something about election day. There is an excitement and if part of that day means I have to stand in line for 5 or 6 or 9 hours so be it. I want to cast my vote and come home and turn on the TV and rejoice in the fact that this country has finally seen the light. I will wake up extremely early, I will drive up with only the minimum of face washing and tooth-brushing, and I will stand in line as long as it takes.

My worry for Tuesday - that many people will decide not to stand in line. PLEASE DO NOT BE ONE OF THESE PEOPLE. Most employers allow 2 - 3 hours on Election Day for employees to vote. You can go early before work and wake up just a couple of hours early to be there when the polls open of you can go late and get there after work and be in line in which case your vote MUST be cast. Neither will be pleasant but I suppose it was not pleasant for the women who fought for the right to vote and were jailed back at the turn of the last century. I suppose it was not pleasant for the African-Americans who fought for the right to be heard in the middle of the last century. Once every 4 years we can certainly give up far less to be heard.

Fewer than 550 votes determined the outcome of the last election. In 2008 do you actually want to be one of the people who could not be bothered?

John McCain is scary old, scary stupid and scary out of touch

2008-10-28T18:35:00.002-04:00

Not that I have anything against old people - or even stupid people. There is a place on this green earth for everyone. I just do not want to elect them President.

I have an acquaintance who has confessed that she is so non-racist that she thinks although she is totally behind Obama she will vote for McCain because she is certain Obama will be assisinated and she does not want that on her karmic plate. Because she is not racist (which comes up so fucking often I could vomit because methinks the lady doth protest too fucking much). I told her she was an idiot and an asshole. Which she is.

I can not wait until this election is over. I am so tired of it all.

Phoebe Had A Hard Day

2008-10-27T19:08:00.003-04:00

So every year there is the dance of the vet visits. Most of the family birthdays are on the first side of the year and so the annual vet visit dance usually takes place on the second side of the year. Needless to say I have been steppin.

In June, as soon as I returned from Santiago, I took 18 year old Sonny in. He is the oldest and despite a clean bill of health last fall (his bloodwork was like that of a 2 year old kitten according to my vet). He passed with flying colors.

Then in August it was Camille. Camille is 6 (I just can not believe how time flies) and she also checked out in perfect health although she is slightly pudgy in my vet's opinion.

A side effect of taking Camille in was Mac. When Cmaille went in they had kitten available for adoption and Mac just needed to become a part of my family. So then September became all about Mac getting his final shots and his neuter.

Today Phoebe had her annual exam. I love and cherish my cats but Phoebe is hands down the beauty of the family. She is a long hair grey cat with white bib and socks and her tail is an absolute flag. She is sweet and quiet and I rarely have heard her vocalize. She keeps herself groomed and she never gets into "situations" with her brothers and sisters. When Mac came into the house she adopted him and they spend their time running around the house playing. She is a diva but she is the sweetest dearest diva ever.

And then we went to the vet today. I put her up on the exam table and the tech came in and took her temperature and my little darling turned into a WITCH! I have never seen such a display of drama queen. There was hissing and fang-showing and snarling and at one time the vet (who was the one who found her at a dumpster when Phoebe was only a couple of weeks old) tried to give her a benign exam and I had to hold my little girl down because she was such a terror. Dr. A at one point mentioned that maybe we needed to get a towel to put over her head but I knew that would only piss her off more and I promised I would restrain her.

We've been home now for about 5 hours and I think I am forgiven but this was not a good day for my girl. I think it was the flight almost 4 years ago to Tokyo with the 3 (at that time) that finally put me in their shoes in a very real way. I sat in my seat and pictured them down below in their carriers and imagined how they must feel with this totally new sensation of flying and the new noises. At that point if there had been a choice I likely would have gotten off the plane, demanded that they be unloaded, and taken us all home. It must be very scary to experience things outside of one's own world. Poor baby.

My favorite news sentence of the day

2008-10-17T17:12:00.002-04:00

Reference is Andy Dick's recent arrest on a misdemeanor charge of drunken assault on a girl:

(Courtesy of E! Online)

When officers arrived, an unidentified teen claimed a drunken Dick accosted her, grabbed her tank top and pulled it down to ogle her breasts.

Seriously. I hate drunken dicks.

The Story of Sonny - No - He's OK I just want to tell his story tonight!

2008-10-14T18:51:00.002-04:00

Sonny is my old boy and often when I tell people he is 18 I get "No way!" or "Not possible!" Cats don't live that long! And in fact I have cremated more cats than I would like before age 18. Back in March Dylan was only 10 but he wanted to go and as bad as I hated to do it I let him.

Sonny has remained a mystery to me even as he has been a blessing. Tonight while waiting for the pasta to be al dente I decided to pull out his file. Because I do indeed keep complete files on all my pets.

Sonny's file begins on January 12, 1993. The day I walked through the Dekalb Animal Shelter wondering how on earth I could ever decide on one cat who needed me and a loving home. The cages went to the ceiling and all I could do was walk down the line. I walked by Sonny's cage and he stuck a paw out and his claws caught my sweatshirt and wouldn't let go and I was sure that was my sign. So I took him home.

For the first few years he was a mean SOB. Actually not mean per se but he was not afraid to use his claws when something did not please him. Eventually we came to an understanding. He knew he would get unconditional love but claws were not permitted.

Sonny lived in Tokyo in 2005. There are not a lot of humans who can claim a year in Tokyo! With me, over the years he has learned to live with the various psychic punches - bad roomates, the various boyfriends, one really crap husband who thought he could run a dog kennel out of our house (as long as I did all the clean up) , many moves, many siblings. And he has taken it all in stride. Mostly.

Sonny is now I suspect completely deaf and we have worked this out and we are fine with it. In the day he goes out in the backyard and sleeps in the weeds and at dusk I bring him in and he hisses at me for doing so and when I go to bed he gets up and sleeps on my chest while I read and talk to him so he can feel the vibrations in my chest and then gets off the bed when I turn out the light.

All in all the past almost 18 years has been just the best and he shows no signs of slowing down. I look at my original adoption papers from January 1993 and I see that at that time he was guessed to be 2. I see that he was found and brought to the shelter by a lady by the name of Jean W. House of Nashville TN. I remember when I first adopted Sonny I wrote her a letter to tell her how much I thanked her for taking Sonny to the shelter where I could find him. She is likely not still at the same address but I think I want to write her again to let her know how much her act of kindness and humanity has improved my life.

I think I will do that.

Cutting Expenses

2008-10-13T16:58:00.002-04:00

Today I cut $35 out of my monthly expenses.

I have had my landline forever and before it was mine it was my ex's forever. Two years ago I got a cellphone (yeah I am a late bloomer). 9 months ago I got a company Blackberry. I have no earthly need for my landline and in fact the ringer has been off since I returned from South America June 1. I have kept it only because it is the only number Miss Jessie knew and would call. I gave her my cell number several times but she refused to use it.

Today I called to cancel my landline. Because I also have my DSL through AT&T the guy (very nice - very unusual for AT&T) told me that since I would not have a phone line an additional $5 would be added to my monthly DSL bill. Because they can. No biggie - $5 still would save me a good amount. Then he looked at my history (PERFECT PAYMENTS) and offered me a deal for the next six months. For only $3.00 more than it would cost to carry the DSL with no landline he would cut my costs for both and I could have 6 months to make my final decision. So my monthly AT&T bill has dropped from $72 to $41. All it took was a phone call.

Then I got rid of usenet at $5.00/month. When I was in SCL and totally bored and looking for distraction I bought into it to download movies and TV shows in English to amuse me on the weekends. Not terribly user friendly and I managed to download one thing and then never was able to download anything else and yet I never cancelled. Now it's gone.

$35 a month might not seem like a lot but it would buy a week's worth of groceries if I was very careful. Or $420 in savings in a year.

I'm on a roll. I've made a firm decision to begin using coupons as much as possible (the stuff I buy rarely has coupons). I am going to make calls and cut my expenses as much as possible. I do this about once a year and missed it last spring when I was away. High time I get back to it.

Change of Seasons

2008-10-12T16:12:00.002-04:00

It's a wonderful thing. I used to be a summer person. I think that ended when I moved to Atlanta although I held onto it for many years and in fact this is the first time I have admitted I am a spring/autumn person.

I have so much energy and am totally involved in nesting for the cold weather.For most of the summer on the weekends I could do no more than the basics - clean when I absolutely had to, go to the grocery store, put a load of laundry in the washer. For the past two weekends I have worked in the yard and house and I even baked BREAD!

This morning I woke up early but it was cold and windy and I snuggled down and read for a while before I got up and got to work. It was so nice.

I have been in dentla hell for the past 4 months. 2 root canals and 1 very bad dentist and several consultations and last week I had a tooth pulled because it could not be saved. My gums are tender and sore and I have some painkillers but they make my itch and so I am avoiding them as much as possible. I hit the max on my annual dental coverage and so this pulling and brige work is all coming out of my pocket and that really hurts but hey - whatever. I'll get it paid off as fast as I can.

Hope you are all having a great weekend!

Pondering Life and Death

2008-10-07T19:21:00.003-04:00

When it came to Miss Jessie I was a pitbull in the ring. I had several bad exchanges with her niece over the past 2 years when I contacted her about my concerns and our last exchange about 6 weeks ago was not at all nice. Usually I am a really nice person but when it came to Miss Jessie's welfare I was willing always to kick ass and take names and I will be the first to admit that I was not at all nice after 3 years of calling and emailing and begging. Not at all nice. As Miss Jessie would say I got her told and told good. For the record I was not out of line but also for the record I was not at all nice in the end.

I was shocked when Mary called me Friday to tell me about Miss Jessie and even more shocked that she was so nice to me. Today she stopped by. I heard someone calling my name from outside and I went to the door and there she stood. I about fell out. She just wanted to tell me that she had taken a nice dress to the funeral home and Miss Jessie looks "beautiful." She also wanted to let me know about the visitation tomorrow. She hugged me. Twice. She told me Miss Jessie talked about me all the time and I was a good neighbor and friend to her aunt. I was truly floored. I gave her plenty of reason to despise me and yet she doesn't.

There is no doubt now. I have to go. I have to go tomorrow to the funeral home and I have to go to the funeral. I'm going to have to firm up my memories of Miss Jessie out in her yard so I can look at her in her casket and tell Mary how beautiful she looks. I have to do this for her family.

The funeral is at 11 am. I am supposed to have a tooth pulled at 2 pm. I think tomorrow I will try to change my tooth appointment so I can go to the cemetary and see her all the way through. I think this is the very least I can do for the 10 years of friendship - see her all the way. Also I want to make sure I know where she is. I always promised her I would do a tango on her grave. Now I just need to learn how to do a tango.

Miss Jessie 3/17/1912 - 10/3/2008

2008-10-06T17:24:00.004-04:00

My dear friend and neighbor Miss Jessie went to sleep Thursday night and did not wake up. I am sure this must be the best way to go.

A week ago today a church lady came by her house to help her with a little cleaning and while the lady was there Miss Jessie fell in the house. Not a big deal and Miss Jessie got up and laughed it off but finally, FINALLY someone with cred was freaked out enough to call the niece and tell her out and Tuesday Miss Jessie called me to tell me niece Mary was coming to take her to her house about 2 hours drive from here. The plan was to have her stay a few days and bring her home over the weekend. I don't know but suspect this was a "trial" to see how Miss Jessie did in her house. I promised her I would pick up her mail and newspapers and as of today I am still doing this.

Friday morning I got a call from Mary telling me that Miss Jessie had died peacefully in her sleep. I am so grateful that she was at Mary's house and not alone next door where it might have been hours and hours before anyone found her. I am grateful that she went peacefully in her sleep. Miss Jessie had gone way downhill in the past three years. Only 2 years ago she was still mowing her own yard wearing her signature umbrella hat to protect her from the sun. She always wore dresses, even doing yard work because it isn't proper for a woman to wear slacks. Over the past year but especially the past 6 months the deterioration was obvious. I spoke with her every day - sometimes more than that since she couldn't remember if she had called me. In a 30 minute conversation she would ask me 5 or more times what day it was. She became very frustrated that she couldn't "rememberize" things and I always told her she remembered what was truly important. She could talk to me at length about things that happened in 1926 but could not for her life remember what day it was.

I will never forget this woman - truly one of my best friends ever. She grew up in my house (her aunt's house) after her mother died when Miss Jessie was 7. That would have been 1919. Stone Mountain is the birthplace of the KKK and as a black woman growing up here I can only imagine the challenges. She told me stories about the outhouse behind my house and the pigs in the yard and how the town drunk used to come to the fence and talk to the pigs for hours. She remembers sitting in the front yard and watching a horse-drawn cart pull the first refrigerator down then-unpaved Fourth Street. She was history itself and I mined her without mercy for information to better appreciate my home, my town, and the people who live and lived here. And she loved to tell me about it.

I talked with her so much about her history here and even took notes at times. I am so sad to lose this very wonderful friend and teacher. She lived a huge full life of 96 years and she went so peacefully and I am happy for that and for all the good she gave while on this earth. My sadness is selfish. I would like another 10 years of her stories about Stone Mountain when she was young.

My house was Aunt Elsie's house. So many older people in this town have told me they grew up eating collards and cornbread in my kitchen. This is a house of love and not a day goes by that I do not think about Miss Jessie as a small child in this house, living in a family that took everyone in and welcomed them and fed them. Honestly you can't get much more love than collards and cornbread. Also you could not possibly get more love than Miss Jessie. As she always said - "Everybody is somebody. God did not have to put us here on this good green earth. White or black they are all my children and we all have to love each other."

The other thing she always said when I would call and ask her how she was doing - "I'm still a-kickin' and I ain't dead yet!" Miss Jessie as long as I live on this earth you never will be!

Her funeral is Thursday at 11 am. I do not want to go. It will be an open casket funeral and I have been to a few of those and my only memory of those people is of them in the casket. They do NOT look "peaceful." They look DEAD. They look FAKE and MADE UP. And I want to remember Miss Jessie alive in her umbrella hat. I have no choice. I have to go. I have to go find something appropriate to wear and then show up and live through it.

I CAN do this.

Not Feeling Gassy

2008-09-30T19:40:00.004-04:00

Y'all this might be old news for you. Sam is in the Middle East with family right now and he says the Atlanta gas situation is on the news there. Simply put: WE HAVE NO FREAKING GAS!!!!

Thank goodness I telecommute. I am one of those really lucky people who, if she doesn't go anywhere out of the ordinary, can get by on one fill up per month. IF I am careful and I consolidate my trips. I am lucky. I am fortunate. It almost make sup for the fact that I have not gotten a raise in 5 years of very hard work and personal sacrifice. I have just under half a tank right now and have started looking. But metro Atlanta has no gas. We do have some diesel but no unleaded. You drive by 10 or 12 gas stations and all the prices on their signs are blank. This is the major sign there is no gas. Although you can't be sure unless you drive in and see the bags over the nozzles. Because sometimes they get some gas in and don't have time to get the prices up before they are sold out again. You can really only be sure when you see a block and a half of cars lined up to get what they have. People are getting nasty. People are unable to get to work.

On the upside - my yard is knee high with grass and no I have not mowed and have no intention of doing so in the near future. Because I might have 1 mower tank worth in the mower and damned if I'm going to use it until the last possible moment. I might need it to put in my vehicle to get me to a station once the supply starts flowing again.

This has been a bad 2 weeks with the stock market and the bailout thing (I still don't know exactly how I feel about that and think there are good arguments for both sides but I think it's another instance of media manipulation. Whether we like it or not this country will slow to a standstill if we don't do it and yet it isn't right and it should not be up to the government and the taxpayers to fix the faults of a few. Also I think Barney Frank said it best.) I am really concerned about my 401(k) which is so small it is hardly worth mentioning but it is what I have and what I have accomplished. Thank goodness what goes down will eventually go up. I only wish I had a shitload of money sitting around to buy buy buy right now because this might be the lowest the stock market will go in my lifetime. At least I hope so.

The really funny thing to me is in the past 2 weeks I have had an increase in credit line on two of my credit cards!!! One is entirely paid off and one I should be able to pay off in 4 months. Yeah. Like I'm totally going to go buy new living room furniture right now. I am happy to have a lot of unused credit "just in case" and even happier when it sits unused as I pay off what I do carry because it increases my FICA score but I laugh at this blatant crap from the sharks.

Y'all, it took me 37 years to learn this. Credit is good. Lots of available credit is good. Using it is not good. Using it means having to use stupid math to figure out plans and all and that gets in the way of life. Using it is good if you can pay it off in a month. Or two. Without using more.

And if the US school system does not begin TEACHING this shit at age 10 with an emphasis on it in math classes through high school graduation we are all screwed. I read the classics in school. I studied the physics of light and sound. I studied nutrition for chrissakes. I can to this day break down a recipe to its individual components and give a basic synopsis of nutritional and caloric content. But until I hit financial bottom at age 36 I could not have told you how credit could negatively affect my future. This is so wrong. I would give Jane Eyre and Moby Dick and all of Margaret Atwood and Yeats and Donne to have known about credit when I graduated high school.

At age 44 I learned that if I had worked and saved $2000 per year beginning at age 14 I could do this for 5 years and retire without saving another fucking dollar the rest of my life. To put it in religious terms which is all I can come up with right now this is kind of like being a devout Christian all your life. You are an acolyte. You show up every week. You volunteer. You bring cans to the holiday drive. And then 44 years into it you find out you are fucked if you didn't dance naked in the backyard every equinox. HUH? WTF??

I am not a mother basically beacuse I married two very screwed up men but that's another story. If you are reading this and you are a parent you really need to educate about this because our schools will not because they think Moby fucking Dick is more "educational."

If it were up to me I would have all high schools teach nothing but finanace.

And this is from a girl who begged her way through passing most math classes she ever took.

Wish those buzz cut horn-rimmed glasses wearing teachers could see me now. They might have hope for me. I certainly see the value now of what they were trying to teach me then.

Introducing McLovin

2008-09-27T17:01:00.002-04:00

About 5 weeks ago I added the newest member of my family. I took Camille in for her annual exam and vaccinations and my vet had abandoned kittens needing adoption. I had no desire to have a kitten. Sonny is just as old as Jesus's mom and he doesn't need that kind of hassle. But the vet techs (who know me and the cats so well) wanted me to see them. The first one they brought in was a little grey boy about 4 1/2 months. Camille is the head bitch of the family and rules the house but when she goes to the vet she is terrified. This little kitten got up against her and licked her face and pressed up against her to comfort her. That much was obvious to me. Then they brought in his sister, much smaller - a little black and white spotted kitten. Then the vet came in and the visit with the kittens was cut short. Camille checked out just fine and we went home.

And the grey kitten stayed on my mind despite my best intentions. And 6 days later I called my vet to ask if the Grey kitten had found a home. He had not and neither had the other one. I told them I would come the next day to bring him home. I only did this because he was such a wonderful personality and I knew (when you own cats for a while you know) that he would fit in to my family. I also know that I have a max feline pax load of 5 and so I have room in my home and my heart for a fourth.

I decided even before I got him that his name would be McLovin (a bow to Superbad) and that I would call him Mac. I knew that from his 5 minutes comforting Camille. And after 5 weeks it fits.

Mac came home and made himself at home and Sonny thought he was OK and the girls spent 2 weeks acting like pure assholes. Slowly the girls accepted him and started playing with him and now Phoebe cannot be without him. He went in for his neuter Wednesday and had to stay overnight and all day and that night she stalked the house looking for him and calling for him. She slept beside me for the first time in a year.

Mac is a personality and a half. He sleeps in the bed with me and loves to crawl under the covers and play "fort." He gets a special kitten dish of food every morning and evening so when I wake up in the morning he is ecstatic and runs ahead of me into the kitchen to wait for his dish. When I sit and knit he plops down beside me and presses up against my leg.

When a kitten or cat is abandoned and then finds a good loving home they know. Mac knows and he is such a joy in my life.

A Break From Politics

2008-09-15T22:21:00.002-04:00

Recently I have become addicted to Animal Planet. I think this is because all my HGTV shows seem to be repeats these days and I've gotten back into addictive knitting again and need something going on besides knit and purl. You can only watch so much Curb Appeal before you feel entirely unworthy of owning a little shitty home with no curb appeal whatsoever.

My internet and couch-surfing bud Harvey and his wife Chika have recently moved to the US and contacted me last week because they were adopting a cat from a shelter in Boston and wanted advice. I basically told them to get a few enpty boxes and some food and be prepared to enjoy. I think they will be very good parents because they keep asking me questions to be assured their little "Red" is not acting abnornmally. Cat virgins are so much fun.

When you "get" any animal it is a lifetime comittment. My oldest cat Sonny is now 18 - going on 19, and he is now deaf - I suspect 90-100%. This presents new challenges but when he was 2 I adopted him and in doing so gave him a home for the duration of his natural life. I have been through moves where it was difficult. I have lived in apartments where he was "invisible" due to unbelieveable pet deposits (due I am sure to irresponsible pet owners in the past). I have been through unemployment where I thought I might possibly have to find the cats another home so they would have regular and proper care at a time when I could barely afford to pay my electric bill and would not have been able to make it through this time without a loan from my parents. At age freaking 41. Somehow everything fell into place and my little feline family survived intact and with no ill effects but the point is that they are my primary concern. I have now built a savings that equals about 5 months of extremely cut back expenses and have one credit card that I keep open with no balance in case of loss of job and veterinary expense. Actually I have two zero balance cards but only one is earmarked for vet expenses in an emergency. The other is for job loss and groceries. I am sure I will never need this but I keep it all set just in case. I am also sure I will never need my other safety nets but I will keep building them until one day when I am 93 I finally realize I can quit my job and retire.

Anyway the point of this is these Animal Planet shows. I especially am intrigued by the SPCA shows where neglected, abused and abandoned animals are rescued and the motherfuckers who did the deed are charged criminally. I battle with myself all the time about my (so far two) extended absences for business. Both times I have returned home as often as possible and have paid a professional bonded certified person to come to my house in my absence to make sure all the needs are taken care of. It is not at all ideal but my cats are indeed well cared for by people who will get them to the vet if necessary. Their litter is clean. Their water is clean. They have food. But what I see on these shows are people who buy exotic snakes and then move out of the house and leave them behind to be found weeks later. Cats tied to trees on 2 foot ropes with no food or water. Horses emaciated. Who the hell DOES this???? Most of the time I sit here and think my real calling is to work as an SPCA officer or a foster Mom for these animals but then I realize I would KILL these people with my bare hands.

Please DO NOT take an animal into your home unless you realize you are responsible. EVERY DAY. FOR EVERY NEED. Dogs and cats live 10 - 15 years on average but up to 20 or 22 years. Large birds can live 30 - 50 years. Exotics should NOT be kept. If you have an animal that you need to rehome REQUIRE an adoption fee and have all veterninary records ready to turn over. And if you cannot do this contact the SPCA and do not abandon the poor helpless thing. The SPCA accepts any animal and if they are healthy they will do everything to make sure they are adopted to a good and loving and responsible home.

Sorry for this lecture but it is something I feel so strongly about. I have four cats, all of whom have distinct personalities.

Also good lord people - if you have a dog or cat that is not spayed or neutered what the FUCK? If you are concerned about the emasculation of your pet I think you probably have sexual identity issues yourself. I assure you your animal will not notice. Unless you have a freaking DOLPHIN. Dolphins and HUMANS are the only mammals that have sex for pleasure. The rest probably don't know why on earth they do it but it isn't for pleasure (although they might get pleasure from it). If this is due to cost (in which case maybe you should rethink your choice to have a pet) do an internet search for low cost clinics or places providing certificates for the full procedure at a $15 or $20 donation. I had 3 cats altered with certificates when I was a poor waitress/actress. I've had 3 more altered at full cost so other waitresses/actresses could take advantage of the certificates. Just find a way to do it so more puppies and kittens will not come into this world unwanted and abandoned. My 4 were all unwanted and abandoned - one wandering on the roadside (Sonny the 18 year old) and 3 others found by dumpsters in shopping centers. You could not imagine four more beautiful loving cats. Their lives really are worth so much. They give me so much love and amusement watching them play.

I promise to write soon about Mac (McLovin) who is a little grey boy I adopted about 3 weeks ago. He has now fully become a member of our house and plays with the others and is gentle and loving with Sonny. I think I have a capacity of 5 since 5 is the most I have ever homed. I think I am waiting for that next one who really needs us and seems to be a good match.

Tina Fey!

2008-09-13T23:35:00.002-04:00

Yeah I pinched myself to stay up. And Tina Fey does Sarah Palin much better than Sarah Palin does Sarah Palin. Can I please go to bed now?

A Letter From Mike Sharley, Attorney

2008-09-12T18:27:00.002-04:00

The following was xeroxed from my hometown newspaper by my mother and sent via snail mail. I have typed it out word for word here. This letter was written by Mike Sharley, an attorney in my hometown. I contacted him when the letter arrived and asked for his permission to post it here and I told him I use the "f" bomb liberally and would understand if he did not want to be associated. This morning I woke up to his full permission and he also sent a couple of youtube links. Mike is disabled but not really since I consider him more abled than I will ever be. He was not my contemporary but both of my sisters knew him well as children and adolescents. Mike has never been personally held back by his disability and in fact has achieved more than I in my supposedly able body ever did and ever will. The school system wanted to tag him as "retarded" but Mike is and never has been retarded. Mike has a great mind and a great heart and soul and ranks on my list as one of the most intelligent people I have known. Mike is an Attorney in Morgantown WV and based on my google searches he works every day for the rights of the disabled and the rights of those otherwise invisible.

Community organizers big part of American history

Vice-presidential nominee Gov. Sarah Palin gave an acceptance speech that was very effective to anyone who considers themselves a community organizer. She mocked Sen. Barack Obama for being a community organizer and not having real responsibilities. However, community organizers have been a very important piece in the history of the United States of America.

During the period of the American Revolution, community organizers such as Samuel Adams, Thomas Paine and Abigail Adams promoted and advocated the patriotic spirit which led to the independence of the United States. During the Civil War, community organizers such as Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman fought to free thousands of African Americans from the bonds of slavery. And community organizers such as Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks fought against segregation in the 1950s and 1960s. In fact, a community organizer named Nelson Mandela became the first black president of South Africa after being housed in prison for 27 years for his community organizing activities.

If it wasn’t for community organizers in American history, there may not have been an end to slavery or segregation. There may have not even been a patriotic movement that led to the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Ironically Palin began her political career as a community organizer. She was a member of the PTA and fought for better schools in her community.

Palin seems to gloss over her community organizer past in order to mock the experience of Obama. If she really understood the history of America she would celebrate Obama’s and her own community organizing and not mock the patriots of the past for her own political benefit.

Mike's Totally Great Video about Medical Coverage for the Disabled
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADEa1AdEVFA

Mike on voting for Obama in a Red State
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxpUhvEFI_I

I Stand Corrected

2008-09-12T08:51:00.002-04:00

And in the interest of spreading truth and not lies (like SOME people we all know) I post here the official word from factcheck.org and vow in the future to check carefully before posting . . .

Not a Book Burner

One accusation claims then-Mayor Palin threatened to fire Wasilla’s librarian for refusing to ban books from the town library. Some versions of the rumor come complete with a list of the books that Palin allegedly attempted to ban. Actually, Palin never asked that books be banned; no books were actually banned; and many of the books on the list that Palin supposedly wanted to censor weren't even in print at the time, proving that the list is a fabrication. The librarian was fired, but was told only that Palin felt she didn’t support her. She was re-hired the next day. The librarian never claimed that Palin threatened outright to fire her for refusing to ban books.

It’s true that Palin did raise the issue with Mary Ellen Emmons, Wasilla’s librarian, on at least two occasions, three in some versions. Emmons flatly stated her opposition each time. But, as the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman (Wasilla’s local paper) reported at the time, Palin asked general questions about what Emmons would say if Palin requested that a book be banned. According to Emmons, Palin "was asking me how I would deal with her saying a book can't be in the library." Emmons reported that Palin pressed the issue, asking whether Emmons' position would change if residents were picketing the library. Wasilla resident Anne Kilkenny, who was at the meeting, corroborates Emmons' story, telling the Chicago Tribune that "Sarah said to Mary Ellen, 'What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the collection?' "

Palin characterized the exchange differently, initially volunteering the episode as an example of discussions with city employees about following her administration's agenda. Palin described her questions to Emmons as “rhetorical,” noting that her questions "were asked in the context of professionalism regarding the library policy that is in place in our city." Actually, true rhetorical questions have implied answers (e.g., “Who do you think you are?”), so Palin probably meant to describe her questions as hypothetical or theoretical. We can't read minds, so it is impossible for us to know whether or not Palin may actually have wanted to ban books from the library or whether she simply wanted to know how her new employees would respond to an instruction from their boss. It is worth noting that, in an update, the Frontiersman points out that no book was ever banned from the library’s shelves.

Palin initially requested Emmons’ resignation, along with those of Wasilla’s other department heads, in October 1996. Palin described the requests as a loyalty test and allowed all of them (except one, whose department she was eliminating) to retain their positions. But in January 1997, Palin fired Emmons, along with the police chief. According to the Chicago Tribune, Palin did not list censorship as a reason for Emmons’ firing, but said she didn’t feel she had Emmons’ support. The decision caused “a stir” in the small town, according to a newspaper account at the time. According to a widely circulated e-mail from Kilkenny, “city residents rallied to the defense of the City Librarian and against Palin’s attempt at out-and-out censorship, so Palin backed down and withdrew her termination letter.”

As we’ve noted, Palin did not attempt to ban any library books. We don’t know if Emmons’ resistance to Palin’s questions about possible censorship had anything to do with Emmons’ firing. And we have no idea if the protests had any impact on Palin at all. There simply isn’t any evidence that we can find either way. Palin did re-hire Emmons the following day, saying that she now felt she had the librarian’s backing. Emmons continued to serve as librarian until August 1999, when the Chicago Tribune reports that she resigned.

So what about that list of books targeted for banning, which according to one widely e-mailed version was taken “from the official minutes of the Wasilla Library Board”? If it was, the library board should take up fortune telling. The list includes the first four Harry Potter books, none of which had been published at the time of the Palin-Emmons conversations. The first wasn't published until 1998. In fact, the list is a simple cut-and-paste job, snatched (complete with typos and the occasional incorrect title) from the Florida Institute of Technology library Web page, which presents the list as “Books banned at one time or another in the United States.”

Watch. Embed. Pass It On.

2008-09-11T15:52:00.000-04:00

WWGSS? (What Would Gloria Steinem Say?)

2008-09-09T17:47:00.003-04:00

I have recently read several really insightful commentaries on the McSame/Palin ticket and my next several posts will feature these because this election is not only historical for the fact that either a woman will end up vice president (and eventually president since McSame will not survive even half his first term - this is a prediction and I would welcome small cash bets on this) OR an african-american will be president - it is likely the most important election in history since we have never had 8 years of a more incompetent president and more things that need to be reversed.

I know I've said this before but back in July I was in Mexico City on business. Mexico City has some good sections but is basically a destitute crime-ridden, poverty-stricken area where the buildings are falling down and graffiti covers every surface and people make their complete livings selling crap at stop lights. Sam and I were in a taxi one day - not really talking much. Sam turned to me and said something about how dirty and crumbling and depressing Mexico City is and I told him it is exactly how I picture the US if we have another Republican term. And I am serious. $35,000 per year is the new $20,000 per year. And this will only get worse.

First from Gloria Steinem with many thanks to sister Susannah the new age nun for forwarding. This is one I had actually not yet read. I don't always agree with Gloria but I did read Revolution From Within about 12 years ago and it is one of the few books I will always keep as a personal bible.

Apologies for the lack of paragraphs - formatting did not copy and I am far too tired and hungry right now to correct it. The message is still very very clear.

Palin: wrong woman, wrong message
Sarah Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Hillary Clinton.
She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.
By Gloria Steinem
September 4, 2008

Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie. Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience. Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq." She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long tha the doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq;someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act. Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger. I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest. Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women. And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children. This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's Media Center. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama.

Sarah Palin, Politics and Miss Jessie Conversation

2008-09-05T19:05:00.002-04:00

Yeah I've been watching. I watched almost all of the Dems and as much as I could take of the assh . . . errghhum . . . Pubes. For some reason I have had many requests to write about The Sarah and I will. I swear I will. But I'm not ready yet. Right now what I'm thinking is this: I love that McSame chose a woman. I hate that he is using her like a cheap whore. I love that she is strong and aggressive and a bitch (from time to time I am a bitch on the job and so far it has worked fairly well for me when I choose to let the flag fly). I hate that her entire platform is about being a hockey mom (and by the way her timing on the "lipstick" punchline sucked for air - she should have given it at least one and preferably two more beats). A VP is 24/7 which means her special needs child will not have the time he needs with her. I don't want a hockey mom for a VP. I want a VP who is on the job 24/7 and ignores family. And Bristol is pregnant. Which means she kinda needs to be around her family right now. Family fucking values my big fat white ass. And don't get me started on McSame the adulterer.

But I will do a post on Sarah and both conventions eventually. Right now I am still reeling from all of it. And my Obama sign has been proudly posted in my yard for the last 6 weeks.

Wednesday morning Miss Jessie called. Usually she does her monthly grocery shopping the first Wednesday of the month just after her SS check comes in (Wednesday for the senior citizen's discount at Kroger) but the Labor Day holiday messed up the mail and her check did not come in. I asked her if there was anything she needed to tide her over until next Wednesday and she gave me a list of a few items and I went out and got them at lunch and took them over. When I walked in I smelled something burning. She had put a pot of collards on the stove for lunch and then fell asleep in her chair. I took the pan off the stove and turned it off and helped her clean it. Last night (Thursday) she called to ask me what day it was. I told her "Thursday." We had a 20 minute conversation during which she asked me 4 times what day it was. She also asked me if she had told me she needed turkey sausage and margarine and I told her no but I was going out today and would pick them up for her. 10 minutes after we hung up the phone rang and it was Miss Jessie telling me she hated to be a worry to me but if I was going out tomorrow would I please pick up some turkey sausage and margarine for her? I just want to cry. I will call the social worker for the state of GA Monday and let her know the latest. It is obvious to me that this is a situation out of control.

New DVD Player

2008-08-25T20:28:00.003-04:00

The old one died about a year ago and yesterday I finally got out and spent $50 on a new one.

Now running Chocolat. Please do rent/buy and watch. One of my favorites.

Already I am So Sick of This Presidential Race

2008-08-21T20:03:00.002-04:00

What the fuck ever happened with that whole silly separation of church and state thing? We have regressed about 500 years in our thinking.

It now seems that "faith" means only "Christian faith." More accurately christian faith based on on the rightest of the right and the most closed minded of the ignorants. Because other religions (OH yes the do exist) do not actually HAVE faith.

What the fuck has happened to this country? Does anyone out there know what the inscription around the Statue of Liberty says? Does anyone remember why the first people sacrificed to come to this country and suffer death and disease to remain here?

Ummm. As I recall from a long time ago (and I do think this is written down somewhere) it was for RELIGIOUS FREEDOM.

WTF??

And I have to say I am extremely disappointed in both candidates for agreeing to show up to the church thing. Talk about a time to band together and say no I refuse. And I am certain both would have preferred to do that. They are both less in my eyes for pandering to the continuing bullshit.

Give me (finally after 8 years) a leader who can LEAD. A leader with intelligence. A leader who considers the needs of the people and also the world (since we are such the power). I don't give a big shit if his faith consists of running around in the Rose Garden naked as long as he can finally lead this country and bring it out of the past 8 years.

When we were in Mexico last month looking at all the poverty and trash and graffiti and the constant sewer smells, even in the upscale hotel. and did I mention poverty Sam turned to me and asked how does this kind of thing happen to a country. I told him given 8 more years of a Republican administration this country would look the same. It is already far too similar.

And might I point out that Catholics have always been in charge in Mexico. And Catholics are almost like Christians. (That is a joke - as me and I will refer you to the original post on this - I have no desire to do HTML tonight).

My Boy

2008-08-16T23:16:00.002-04:00

That's all. My boy. He totally did it.

Miss Jessie update

2008-08-16T14:52:00.002-04:00

For those unfamiliar with her, Miss Jessie is my next door neighbor. In March she turned 96. She still lives alone - a widow these past 20 some odd years - no children. Her sole living relative is actually not a blood relative, it is the niece of her late husband.

This niece is a piece of work. She visits MAYBE twice a year for an hour or less. To make things easier when Miss Jessie passes away she has been added to both the checking account and the deed of the house and will inherit any assets Miss Jessie may have at the time of her death. This will not be a lot. Miss Jessie lives on about $600/month social security and the tiny bit she has scraped together as savings is intended for her death and burial costs so as not to be a burden on her niece. I have kept this niece in the loop when I think she needs to be (rats, bugs, missing checks, inch thick grease on every surface of the kitchen) and she is totally not interested. Oh I am sure she will take a day off and show up for the funeral and cry big crocodile tears and wail and moan but up until that day she has no interest.

Up until a few years ago Miss Jessie still mowed her own yard and did all the trimming and upkeep but she is no longer able to do this. She always talked about people she knew who had "gone into a home" and vowed she would never do that. In the past several months she has begun to ask me about how it works when you go into a home. I have not a clue. Her niece has told her that to do this you have to sign over all your social security benefits and it costs a lot and she should just come move in with her. But she also has spent the past 10 years doing nothing but telling Miss Jessie she can't come visit because she is working 2 jobs and caring for her own invalid mother and has a child in college and that is why she doesn't even have the time to come visit, even though she passes within 5 miles of Miss Jessie's house every day on her daily commute. She is just now burdened beyond belief and just doesn't have the time because she has her own things to take care of. So Miss Jessie refuses to be a burden on this niece by moving in and yet the niece will do nothing about looking into retirement homes.

Miss Jessie's legs have been bothering her but she will not see a doctor because she doesn't want to be a bother to anyone. I tell her she has paid for her medicare coverage long ago and seeing a doctor is not a burden on anyone. I have told her I will drive her. She refuses and the other day admitted her legs are "coming along" because she has been taking some kind of pill that was left over from her husband (who has been dead at least 20 years, possibly closer to 30). I will certainly take an aspiring up until about 6 months after the expiration date but I think after 20 - 30 years things break down and change and possibly become toxic.

Yesterday she called in a panic because she received notices from both the newspaper and the electric company that they had not received her payment last month. She is certain that the checks were stolen out of her mailbox. I have told her over and over to call me when she has outgoing mail and I will take it to the post office for her - that it is not safe to put these things in her mailbox - but she doesn't want to bother me. I am certain that the bills are stamped and ready for mailing and lost in the clutter of her house. She can not remember 30 seconds ago so there is no reason for me to think anything other than that she dutifuly wrote out the checks, put them in the envelope, stamped them, and then they got lost in the multiple piles of paper in her house because she refuses to throw away any junk mail. Because they all have her address on them. I bought her a shredder a few years ago so she would not have to cut out her address and name prior to throwing them away but she does not get that particular bit of technology and will not use it. I paid most of her electric bill last month because last year another friend and I purchased 2 window AC units (she has never had central air) and the increase on her bill is a burden to her. The other friends is making a payment on it this month. So I went next door to talk to her - she does not hear well over the phone (or in person for that matter). I mentioned to her that she needed to call her bank on Monday and tell them the check numbers of the two checks that went missing so they could stop payment and after she did this she needed to add the amount of those checks back into the balance in her checkbook. This made her extremely confused and I told her I would write it all down for her and I would even call the bank for her but I have no business asking her to turn over her private checkbook so I can do it for her. Do I? I walked back next door to my house and when I walked in the phone was ringing and it was Miss Jessie asking if I would write this all down for her because she just can't "rememberize" the way she used to. I promised her I would.

It is so clear to me that this is a situation I can not possibly handle on my own. I don't know what to do. Her house is truly a junk pile because she can no longer keep up with it. If you touch any surface in her kitchen it is sticky with grease and filthy and not fit for a human. The bugs live on it and she is infested with them. Her niece sends out a dubious exterminator for the bugs about once a year but it does no good. I am fairly certain that if the health department inspected they would condemn the house. Last year I found a dead, dried up rat in a corner of her kitchen.

I have contacted the niece before and told her the situation and what others have been trying to do for Miss Jessie to pick up the slack and her niece started talking about reimbursing me and all the others for the time and money we have put in to help this wonderful woman. I told her I was not interested a fucking bit in any money and could care less about it but that Miss Jessie now needed more help than any of us is able to give by trimming her hedges or bringing her groceries or installing a couple of window AC units so she doesn't die from heat stroke. She didn't get it and will not get it.

So now a dilemma. Do I call a government agency and ask them to intervene? This house should be demolished upon her death if not before - at the very least it will have to be gutted and entirely rebuilt if it is to be sold and I can't stand the thought of her living in it especially since she can't keep up with it. I have tried to get her church to band together for a thorough cleaning and purging but they seem to only be interested in her on Sundays when she brings a check to church with her.

She simply can no longer function on her own and this is so clear to me and to a handful of other people who regularly try to check in on her but it seems our hands are tied. I guess I should not be so upset about this but I am 46, single, no children and no plans to be anything other than this and if I am lucky I will get to be 96 one day and need to rely on others for some things. I want to take care of her as best I can but I can't do everything and I am honestly at a loss here.

I don't get many comments and that is fine because mainly I write this blog to work it out in my own head and I would rather key than write in a longhand journal but if anyone has input I would greatly appreciate it. I need guidance here folks.

Massive Hangover

2008-08-13T19:16:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the Olympics. I have an Olympics hangover so bad I can't stand it. I have been staying up far too late and yet my body clock still wakes me up at 6:30 or 7 and I have been suffering. Today about 2 I decided I would take a nap. I set my alarm for one hour but after 10 minutes I was far too excited about Michael Phelps and so sat back up and got back to work. Now it is just after 7 pm and all I want to do is get in bed but my boy - THE WORLD'S BOY - is swimming again tonight and I have no choice but to sit and watch him.

The human body is an amazing thing and this guy is the embodiment of that. How utterly amazing that human bodies are capable of feats that we are seeing every night for a few weeks. What an amazing machine we all inhabit. I for one promise to treat mine better.

I think I will sleep until 9 tomorrow.

Y'ALL!

2008-08-12T20:48:00.001-04:00

I am so serious. Synchronized diving make my nipples hard. I could watch this stuff all day long.

Amazing

2008-08-11T22:27:00.002-04:00

I've always loved the Winter Olympics. Funny, because I just despise cold weather and snow is fun for about 24 hours but then it needs to go away. Skiing and skating and all the snow stuff rocks my boat. I've never really been a fan (at all) of the Summer Olympics. I think between Athens and Sydney I watched exactly zero hours of coverage.

I had lived in Atlanta for 4 years before the Summer Olympics were here in 1996. It was an exciting time and I did so many events in the Cultural Olympiad prior to the sports events but I did not see a single one of the sports events. Let's just say they were cost prohibitive. I did go down to Centennial Olympic Park several times and it was a sea of people that even Shibuya in Tokyo did not match. You could walk for hours and never see anything but backs and shoulders. I would climb up on benches just to get some air because I am just slightly claustrophobic. I saw Ray Charles perform live (and many others) and it was a very exciting time to be in Atlanta and I will never forget it but even though I did not see any live events I also did not watch any of it on TV.

Today I had a lot of energy and that is unusual and I did not feel like getting in bed and reading so I have stayed up and nothing on TV seemed at all interesting so I put it on the Olympics and sat back to knit and ignore it and just have the company of sound. I thought about 9 or 9:30 I would turn off and get in bed and read but . . .

I am so totally hooked now.

Michael Phelps is a fucking MACHINE!!!! And those US women's beach volleyball players - What? Misty and Kerri? They are MACHINES!!!!! I watched frigging SYNCHRONIZED DIVING PEOPLE! I had no idea anything like that even existed! I was sitting here yelling for them!!!!

This stuff is AMAZING! It's like seeing Springsteen. It's like the Braves in the early 90s!!!!

For the past miserable 8 years I have not been much of a patriot at heart but to hear our national anthem played over and over . . . Priceless.

And the interest stories. I now for the first time really want to go to China and see China. Maybe I could walk the entire length of the Great Wall!

I think tonight Olympics = believing in the possibilities. I think I was raised in a strange juxtiposition. On the one hand I was born in the 60's and raised in the 70's and the talk I got was that it was possible for a woman to do and be anything "even a doctor!". On the other hand I am a child of parents raised in the 40's and 50's and I also heard that I could "not possibly do that" or it was not possible for "a young lady." A few years ago I finally realized that anything really IS possible. I am a late bloomer. As might be any woman born before the NOW was born and all those bras were burned (bad decision as I think a bra will always be a necessity outside my house unless I am taking trash to the street under cover of darkness).

So I would like to now announce my intention of qualifying for the next summer Olympics in the field of archery. Or maybe swimming. That Dara lady inspires me with her abs. I could so totally do that.

If you are like I was prior to about 8:15 tonight just turn on these games and give it a chance. Give it 30 minutes and see if you don't get pulled in the way I was.

Dear Ones We Are Now At War

2008-08-09T18:34:00.002-04:00

We here in Georgia are now at war with Russia. I really knew nothing about this so it came as a great surprise to me this morning.

I have taped the family silver to myself and think I can make a dress from my mini blinds if need be.

Do pray for us.

The Rat Situation is NOT GOOD

2008-08-08T18:09:00.002-04:00

Y'all. I keep a clean house. Seriously. I keep a very clean house. Sometimes I do not vacuum the cat hair every two days and let it go 4 days or 7 but I keep my house vacuumed and dusted and I keep the toilets clean and I put baking soda and vinegar in the drains on then pour in hot water and the litter boxes are cleaned every two days at a minimum and my house is CLEAN. I am not anal retentive or obsessive about this but I have a FUCKING CLEAN HOUSE. And yet it seems I have rats. Rats in the attic (I have pull down stairs since 2003 which allows me only to store suitcases, Christmas ornaments and cat carriers up there). Rats in the crawl space (I go under every couple of months to change out the whole house water filter and furnace filter).

Rat guy came today and went up in the attic and told me he was kind of surprised because he has only seen this kind of rat activity in houses that have sat empty on the bad housing market for many months. I mentioned (sheepishly) the year in TYO and the past 5 months in Santiago and he kind of nodded and said that would do it. So yet another "invisible"cost of international travel.

$2753.00. On my fucking Visa card which even though it is a very low percentage rate I will pay about $22,000 for this problem by the time I pay it off in 2048.

Needless to say there will be no totally cool renovation projects around here to bring to you for at least 18 months and likely longer. But this is a part of home ownership and when I go to bed tonight I know I own my own home and I have taken care of a problem.

I am so fucking depressed.

Rat Appointment Tomorrow

2008-08-07T15:24:00.002-04:00

So I googled "Rat Control" for my location and came up with "Trapper John." They have locations in Florida, Georgia and Alabama. Which means they must have lots of experience with rats. I talked with a nice man who asked a few questions and then explained the process of evaluation and fixing the entry points and trapping the existing rats. They do not use poison which I like because that must be a very painful death and trapping them is a quick death.

A "rat technician" called me back about 40 minutes later to set the appointment for tomorrow. He asked why I thought I might have a problem and I told him about seeing the rat on the feeder yesterday. He ACTUALLY ASKED ME IF I WAS SURE IT WAS A RAT!!!! "Ma'am (I hate it when people call me ma'am) are you sure it wasn't a squirrel?" I told him maybe I wasn't entirely sure because I am blonde and quite stupid but that I had taken a photo and would be happy to show him so with his superior testosterone-induced intelligence he could maybe confirm for me. OK I didn't actually say that last part after having the photo but it was what I was thinking.

Seriously. Squirrel = 7-8" big fluffy tail. Rat - 17 foot scaly bare tail. Duh.

Fun Shit

2008-08-06T18:29:00.002-04:00

The view out my kitchen window when I went for my 2nd cup of coffee this morning.

I am so grossed out. I yelled at it and pounded on the window and it got off the feeder but I know it is still there. Waiting to eat me.

Guess I need to make a call now. To Doctor rodent death.

My Sonny is Deaf I Think

2008-08-04T17:12:00.002-04:00

My old Sonny. He is my ROCK. He is the cat who just will not end. At 18 he is an old boy. He flew to Japan with me! He lived in Japan and was my ROCK there! Honestly there are days when I am sure he will live to 25 and others when I am sure he will not survive the night.

To be clear here he is NOT in pain or discomfort. He is happy and content and well fed and well hydrated and certainly well loved. It's just that some nights he seems to be more away from me than he is with me.

When I am away from home for work it is the worst. Sonny's very favorite thing IN THE ENTIRE WORLD is to be let out in the backyard to sleep under the shed or in the weeds or in the pinestraw and when it starts to get dark and I go out to coax him in he hisses at me and then goes into an old man coughing attack and it's so sweet and funny and upsetting because I talk to him and calm him down and it passes and I just wonder what on earth he does when I am not here. The back yard is loosely fenced in and now Sonny is far too old and apathetic to try to jump over the fence so he is the only one with outside privileges. Because it is what he loves. I want him to leave this world in my arms giving him the love he has given me for 16 years but even more I would like for him to walk out into the backyard, lie down, watch the squirrels and birds for a while and just go on. It is the way I know he would want it.

I am sure as of today that Sonny is completely deaf. For a couple of years I blamed it on him being an old man who would absolutely not under any circumstances answer to me. In the past 2 months I have thought maybe it was hearing loss. Today I set off a Japanese holiday firecracker (the kind where you pull a string and there is great noise and confetti - not the kind where there are actual explosives) and there was no reaction at all.

Lately Sonny's favorite thing is to get in bed with me and while I read he slowly moves until he is halfway on my chest and I talk to him and he gets so relaxed. If he is deaf as I think he is I am sure he is going for the vibration in my chest as I talk to him. I think certainly he is not after my boobs as I am sure he is more discriminating than that. If I stop talking and he is still awake after a couple of minutes he will pat my face with his paw until I pay attention and start talking again. Over and over I say "Sonny is a good boy.. Sonny is SUCH a good boy. Mommy LOVES Sonny. And he is lulled into his very aged sleep and is content and I am content and it is a good night.

Sonny got a flea treatment last night and a bath today. I haven't given him a bath for 3 years due to his age but he got one tonight and despite his irritation I know he feels better. We sat for a long time with him wrapped up in a towel and me holding him close and talking to him. He is truly a mess. When cats get old they decide grooming isn't worthwhile and they get dirty and their ears need constant cleaning and all sorts of stuff.

Y'all I would want every one of you to adopt one or two or three shelter cats. If I lived in a bigger house I swear I would have 8. They love the best because I swear to you they remember where they came from and they will love you until the end with all their hearts. But it is a long term committment - a lifetime committment. That kitten eventually gets old and needs special care. It is 100% WORTH IT but you have to make sure that first you are ready. Please DO NOT do it if you are not 100% willing and able to make every accommodation. To pass an animal around to various homes is as confusing to an animal as it is to a human. It is truly very bad that I travel a lot and my cats must depend on a catsitter but I am thankful that I can at least make sure they have the very best veterinary care and the very best catsitter I can find. I am thankful that I have a sister and brother in law who are vets and a vet here in Atlanta who trusts in me enough to train me to suck out Sonny's old man bump with a hypodermic needle every 2 weeks and give fluids if necessary.

Sonny is deaf and certainly senile now and I suspect cataracts but his quality of life is great. He does what he wants and can go in the backyard and at night he gets on the bed and sleeps on Mommy. He has been a constant companion for 16 years and has seen me through multiple roomates and one very bad husband and many changes in home including a long trip to Japan and back and he is just a ROCK.

Boo was my animal soul mate for the 3 years he was with me but Sonny is coming in at least a very close second. And if you had known Boo you would know this is a huge thing.

I want to come back as a cat owned by me.

Oh Yes I Did!!

2008-08-03T15:28:00.009-04:00

Weekend project complete! The old faucet assembly came off pretty easily but there was a LOT of grunge underneath.

Eeeeeeewwwwwww!

The new assembly went on just fine and I got the hot water connection hooked back up and then had one heck of a time with the cold water connection. I was on my back under the sink for a couple of hours trying to get it right and no go. So I finally pulled the whole connection hose out and went off to Lowe's where I found exactly what I needed. Got home, hooked it up in 5 minutes, and

Just to prove it's all hooked up correctly:

I did make one small boo boo. When I purchased the faucet I bought one WITHOUT sprayer because I have a perfectly good sprayer. What I now realize is that this means the faucet will not ACCOMMODATE a sprayer. So until I get around to doing a new sink and countertops I will have a completely useless sprayer on my sink. But that's not a big deal - I mainly used it to fill big pots and watering cans and my Brita pitcher because they would not fit under the old, low faucet. That is no longer an issue!!

My Weeked Project

2008-08-01T15:23:00.008-04:00

The weekend before I left for Mexico somethig very ufortunate happened in my otherwise totally great kitchen:
Yep. Bummer. I've always despised this faucet ayway. The sink is shallow and there is not a lot of clearance between the sink and the faucet which makes washing pots difficult. When I re-did the kitchen in early spring 2007 I really wanted to replace the countertop. I have about 2 feet of countertop on either side of the sink so even granite is not out of the question. I also wanted a deeper, white porcelain sink. And of course I would have gotten a new faucet. But I wanted to pay off the flooring first and then Santiago came up for 5 months and this has been put off.

Here is how I have been turning the hot water on and off:

Yep. I have tools and they come in handy from time to time.

Today I went out to Lowe's. Do any of you out there know how much faucets cost? Blew my mind. Does anyone seriously need a $250 faucet in their kitchen? I knew what I wanted and I knew what I was willing to spend and darned if I didn't find it AND on sale for $44:

Simple. Polished chrome. High curved spout. I am psyched!!!

I love it I tell you! LOVE IT!! And evidently Phoebe is going to help me install it:

Yep. I probably won't have to lift a finger.

Thank goodness my choice got approval from the feline peanut gallery.

Forgive a Mini-Tirade

2008-07-31T19:11:00.002-04:00

I've hesitated writing this one because I know I will never be able to put into words what is in my heart but I have to spill because this is MY blog and MY place to voice my opinion.

In the past couple of months I have received two emails, both from people I am vaguely acquainted with yet both of whom felt comfortable forwarding what I consider to be rather revolting things. I was so very affected by both of these emails that even though I have tried to ignore them I can not and I just need to spill in the way that is me.

I'm not talking about off-color jokes. I like off-color jokes. I like doo-doo and pee-pee jokes. I even like good blonde jokes. I like to laugh. I'm talking about hysterical, fanatical religious-oriented emails that I swear to you I sat on for weeks before responding. And I did respond to both. In the kindest, gentlest way I could but I made no mistake about sharing my revulsion.

I live in the deep south - the bible belt like you wouldn't even imagine if you don't live here. I took down my front doorbell because of the "missionaries" who want me to join their beliefs and spend their weekends hassling me about it. Even though I am a Christian although I refuse to impose my beliefs on anyone else. Because, well, that just wouldn't be Christian now would it?

The first email was from a wonderful dear woman who helps my 96 year old next door neighbor the way I do - bringing groceries, being available on the phone, spending time with her. For this reason I love her. Miss Jessie's niece - her only living relative - a good Christian woman for the record - ignores her so we pick up the slack as best we can. But her email set me off. It was all about how she sat in church the past Sunday and the sermon was all about how Oprah "denied the existence of Jesus" and said that "Jesus was not the only way" and so this was "blasphemy" bordering on apostasy. There were links to youtube videos of Oprah circa 1992 wherein she expressed her opinion (a reality) that Christianity is not the only religion and we can not deny that other religions exist and there are other ways to God besides Jesus. Well duh. I guess the Baptist churches are just about 16 years behind. Or 160. No seriously. Fucking DUH PEOPLE!!!! Can you say "closed fucking mind?" I was disgusted. Oprah is allowed to believe anything she wants to believe and if I had a show you better believe I would also express my opinions. I am educated and I actually KNOW there are other religions besides Christianity. Hundreds of them in fact and none of them acknowledge Jesus as Saviour. Hundreds of them do not even know Jesus existed and they have been just fine for milleniums without the assistance of Christian missionaries to change their minds. To spread this kind of shit around makes me sick.

A couple of weeks ago I received an email - I will not reprint it here but if you want to vomit google A Letter From One Angry Woman. Oh how I could go to town on that one. It's all about how she doesn't CARE about the injustices claimed by Muslim "detainees" at Guantanamo Bay because "the Muslims" killed 3000 Americans. How she thinks Islam is a sham because "they" can't decide if their holy book is spelled Koran or Qu'ran. What an ignorant fuck. What an embarrassment. The Jesus I think I know would cringe at this lack of humanity. A bunch of fanatic extremists masterminded 9-11 and we should hold all of Islam responsible but should ignore the fact that under these ignorant rules all Christians should be held responsible for one misguided illiterate president who sent our young men and women to Iraq and Afghanistan in the name of God and Jesus. 3,000 died on 9-11. How many have died across the world due to Christian fanatacism? How many people have died because God supposedly spoke to GWB?

Make no mistake - I fully 100% support our troops. I send packages and donate what I can to the families and I support them completely. I just do not support the man who sent them there or his misguided illiterate policies and honestly he is a stupid monkey and as of today he has exactly 173 days to continue fucking up our country. Make no mistake. I am on a daily countdown. At this point I am on a half-daily countdown.

But I digress. Religious fanaticism makes me want to vomit. Regardless of which religion is being fanatic. And I would like to go on record as saying that just because you "accept Jesus into your heart" and believe that anyone who does not believe what you do will suffer in eternal hell does NOT mean you are right. You might be right for YOU and that is OK. But pull your damned stupid head out of the sand and realize there is a huge fucking world out there and not everyone shares your beliefs or wants to hear about them. I honestly would prefer to live in a Buddhist country. In my very heavily Christian neighborhood I don't like to go out of my house after dark. There are shooting and robberies and home invasions galore here. In Japan (where people are Buddhist or Shinto) I was always safe walking in the middle of Tokyo by myself at midnight.

I have a breaking report for you. JESUS WAS A JEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He celebrated Passover (what the fuck do you think the Last fucking Supper was?) For Chrissakes people!!!! Where do you think the Old fucking Testament comes from? Where has your religious education failed you?

Spare me please your religion hatred. Life is too short to engage in this. And since I am a Christian at heart if not in regular church-going practice I have to believe that Jesus would pat my back on this one. Also he would laugh. And maybe dance a little. With a beer. I have to also believe he waould giggle a little everytime I siad "fuck." Because Jesus was a pretty rad little guy and loved and accepted EVERYONE regardless of whether they were destitute or their fucking nose was falling off or whether they smelled bad or fell in love with a member of the same sex or whether they sold their bodies for money and possibly enjoyed it. And if this is offensive to you what part of the fucking Bible did you NOT UNDERSTAND?

God and Jesus and Buddha and Allah and Mother Earth and I have an agreement. I believe in them and they cut me a break for cutting out on formal services. I try every day to live in service and they forgive me for saying "fuck" a lot. And I WILL go to heaven or Paradise or be reincarnated (hopefully as a cat owned by me). I am fully saved because I live the life I have been given as fully as I can. In the spirit.

I'm just sayin' is all.

Now waiting for the hate mail to pour in. Be ready for my response because I WILL respond.

Two Weeks in Mexico - A Recap

2008-07-26T10:01:00.002-04:00

I arrived back home Friday night about 8 pm after two weeks trying to help get the Mexico office back on the straight and narrow. I apologize for mostly disappearing without notice but the whole dental thing before I left had me in a real rut. I didn't check in from Mexico mainly because the internet in the hotel was so slow (think 1996 dial up) AND it cost $25 a day. I bought one 24 hour chunk over the weekend but the speed just pissed me off so I didn't post.

Disclaimer: Please do not let my attitude about Mexico deter you from visiting what I am sure must be a wonderful country. Remember that I was there for business and was not able to seek out the decent parts of Mexico City. I am sure Monterey and Cancun and Acapulco must be quite wonderful but I assure you the part of Mexico City I was in was NOT unless you are fond of smelling sewers all day.

The high point of the trip was the flights. I was upgraded to first class on the way down thanks to my medallion status on Delta. That was nice because the flight was delayed quite a while due to heavy thunderstorms in Atlanta and the fact that the potable water on board was not functioning. So we sat and sat and my seat was comfortable and I had leg room so it was no problem. Somewhere over the Gulf of Mexico I hit Gold Medallion status! Cool. So I arrived Sunday early evening.

Monday Jorge and Jorge took us to lunch at a Mexican sushi place. (!!!!). While eating RICE - yes I said RICE - my freaking temporary crown on my root canal tooth came off. I swear I am finding another dentist as soon as the permanent crown goes on Monday morning. For two weeks I dealt with the rough stump of a tooth but it was actually a relief because the temp crown was sensitive and icky.

The weekend I spent in Mexico was spent totally sick. Totally Montezuma's revenge, although it wasn't the water but tacos for Friday lunch. I got sick at about 3 am Saturday and lay in bed the whole day and didn't get out until Sunday at 9 am.

Oh shoot. I just don't have the inspiration to continue. Someday I will go to Acapulco or Cancun or Monterey and I will have another perspective but right now, back at home, I just don't feel like talking about Mexico.

Sam and I did have time to go shopping briefly and he will continue to be my best girlfriend. He is totally straight and has a gorgeous wife and daughter but I can't imagine shopping with anyone else. I bought a great painting and hope to frame it this week.

Still Here!

2008-07-21T18:59:00.002-04:00

I haven't fallen off the edge of the earth - I am still alive, still kicking, but I'm in Mexico for the past week and now another 4 days and I swear I will update during the upcoming weekend with stories, news, and photos . . .

Hang in there with me . . .

Why I'm Voting Republican

2008-06-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

Good One.

Dear God In Heaven

2008-06-19T21:15:00.003-04:00

Was just sitting around tonight not much in the mood to go to bed yet mainly because I am reading a really good book and I want to make it last. So I turned on the tube and help me Jesus it is the Denny Dies episode of Grey's Anatomy. This means tears and a renewed celebrity crush and I am so screwed.

Can Dentistry Be Less Painful or Am I Crazy?

2008-06-17T19:23:00.002-04:00

After 10 or 12 years of seeing the same dentist I am thinking of making a change.

I am pretty strong when it comes to pain. Four years ago I was in the middle of a week long vacation on St. Maarten when I suffered a spontaneous bilateral rupture of my achilles tendons. My ankles swelled up like elephants' ankles and turned black and blue to my toes. I was in enormous pain but I bought a pair of crutches and continued my vacation as much as I could. Then I boarded an airplane to Miami, went through customs and immigration, hobbled to the next plane and flew to Atlanta where I then drove myself home. For two weeks I found a way to manage until the insurance company agreed that I needed surgery. It was painful. Really fucking painful.

I always had a bad "female" history (men stop reading now). I had a couple of procedures for fibroids but it never really fixed anything. The year I was in Tokyo I suffered from something akin to endemetriosis. For a year I did nothing but cramp and I bled every day for almost a year, sometimes it scared me and when I left I put my futon in the burn pile. Still I managed to "do" Tokyo and ride my bicycle to and from work every day. It was painful. When I got home my doctor found I was so anemic I was within mere days of needing a transfusion.

So I am a strong person and I can withstand pain. But I draw the line at dental pain.

I've been lucky enough to have dentists who believe dentistry should be as painless as possible. And truth be told I've had a very fortunate dental history - a few cavities, the coming-of-age wisdom teeth - but little out of the ordinary. In the years I have seen my current dentist I have had mainly cleanings and maybe one filling.

Over the past 5 months I had a tooth that grew increasingly sensitive and so I went in as soon as I was home. I was told I needed a root canal and she would start it that day. I immediately asked for gas which I think is reasonable considering my dental terror and the procedure. She laughed and told me I didn't need that and it would be no problem.

1 second of drilling (evidently to my now non-existant uterus) I jerked from the pain and she gave me an additional novacaine injection. I somehow got through it although the second injection was extremely uncomfortable. At the end I was told I needed one more appointment to put on the crown.

Today I walked in and waited for 30 minutes, palms sweating profusely, and she came in and started working without telling me a fucking thing about what she was doing. And immediately I was clinging to the ceiling in pain. Yet again I asked for gas and she told me she would do another injection. She ended up having to do a total of 4 injections to numb me to the point where I could tolerate the level of pain. And then at then end, after 2 hours, when I was shaking from tension and pain, she told me one of the 3 canals was bleeding a little and she would have to plug two and then fill the bleeding one with a cotton pellet and a temp filling and I have to go back July 7 to continue the agony. Can't do it before then because she will be on vacation. Nice.

I will NEVER go to this dentist again, not even for a cleaning. We are halfway through 2008 and you can not tell me we don't have better dentistry pain management for root canals than fucking novacaine.

I am pissed. Also I hurt. A lot. All the way into my left sinus. Are there any dentists out there? Am I being unreasonable to leave a 10 year relationship because of this? And WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE REFUSE TO GIVE ME A LITTLE FUCKING GAS?

Spice Rack Project Complete!

2008-06-15T08:09:00.004-04:00

It seems I have always had issues with spice storage and it has always frustrated me. Here in Atlanta we have several wonderful Farmers Markets and the one closest to me is the DeKalb Farmers Market. One of my favorite things about this Farmers Market is the assortment of spices, which are bought in bulk then packaged into plastic tubs and priced about 10 - 12 times less than a glass jar you get in the grocery store and have no idea how fresh it is. So I buy the tubs and then I stack them wherever I find room - on the counters, on top of the fridge, in the pantry. And then about once a year I go through and throw away spices that are old, were never used because I forgot I had them, and spices I bought more than once because I forgot I had them.

A couple of years ago I read about an idea involving watchmaker cases onto which you glue magnets and then put these on the fridge. Hmm. Great idea but a bit work intensive what with the gluing and all. Then in February 2007 I began the great kitchen makeover project and this is now my favorite room in the house, although the spice problem still existed.

In March, while I was in Chile, my sister Susannah the new age nun sent me a link to another post about a magnetic spice rack and this time I decided to do it.

Last Saturday I got online to work on my biggest challenge - finding a magnetic whiteboard that wouldn't break the bank. The basic office supply store price for the size I needed was going to run me upwards of $200 and I knew I could do better. I did! I found my board at http://www.ibuyofficesupply.com/ for $79.00!

A word about this website because I always plug a good customer service experience when I find one. The first board arrived, amazingly, Tuesday morning after placing my order Saturday. Excitedly I opened the carton only to find the whiteboard had two very large "creases." I immediately called the customer service number and spoke with a very helpful woman. I told her I had a compliment (how fast I received my order) and a problem (the creases). She said she would take care of it and send me a return authorization via email and get a replacement out to me.

The very next day the UPS truck pulled up with the replacement and a return tag and the exchange was made. Once again I opened the box and the board had the same problem, although the creases were not as pronounced as with the first board. Once again I called customer service and I told them again there was no apparent damage to the packing and I suspected this was a manufacturing problem. She called the warehouse and had them check every one of these boards and Friday a perfect board was delivered. So while it was a little frustrating I have to say this is some of the best customer service experiences I have had.

In the meantime I got on http://www.containerstore.com/ and found my containers. They are 4 ounce, clear-topped white plastic see and store containers with a magnetic back. I ordered 30 of them figuring that was overkill but turns out I have only 4 empty containers left over so I will have to place another order at some point. I already had a Brother labeler and clear label tape so while I was waiting for my board to arrive I got everything labeled and filled.

Yesterday I mounted my board!

The jars are clearly labeled and with the clear tops I can see how much I have and what I need to put on the shopping list.
The board is large (48 x 31) which means I also have plenty of room to jot down shopping list items. It is magnetic which means I can post recipes as I work on them. I am loving this!!

With two small projects down it has been a good week. Total cost for the coat rack project was $15 (cost of the hooks). Total cost for the spice rack project was about $140 (board and jars).

One project down

2008-06-13T11:52:00.005-04:00

So OK. One down and 7,000 to go. But one down.

As I mentioned earlier I am going to concentrate for a while on smaller, easier projects that have been put off because I honestly don't know when the phone is going to ring and I'm going to have to haul the suitcase out of the attic and go. So.

Project number one has been put off for about 14 months. I finished my kitchen/mudroom re-do on April 1, 2007 but left a few things undone. One in particular was the lack of a place to hang coats in the mudroom, which is now bright and light and airy but after a year of appreciating this during brief trips home I realized I needed to address the emptiness and tweak a few things.

So.

Coat rack is now complete. Something I put off for 14 months took about 2 hours over 3 days.

Here is the corner before: The door to the left leads to the clost sized laundry room which is where I have been hanging coats in the meantime.

Here is the corner now:

Look at Camille sitting on the step ladder monitoring my progress!

Small Home Projects

2008-06-10T22:47:00.002-04:00

Now that I am home I am determine to tackle a few projects. I honestly have no idea when my next travel will be. Could be Monday, could be that I sit on my ass for 18 months like last time. Until all the talk of operational visits and new business die down I really don't want to start a major project. What if I start the bedroom and move the bed out and the next day get called to travel? How would it be to come home on a brief break with my bed in the kitchen? So for now I will stick to small projects that can be easily and quickly completed. I've decided on two that will likely be complete before the beginning of next week.

The Mudroom Coat Rack

I love my mudroom now. Before it was a dark, dingy cluttered space. For the past year, since I re-did it and it was totally transformed into a light, welcoming space, it has been a mostly empty space with the barest of furniture and art. I have been planning to hang a bunch of coat hooks in one corner and this project began today. I cut the board to size for both walls, filled the holes from the previous coat hooks, sanded and primed. I put this thing off for over a year and this took all of one hour. First thing in the morning I will put the first coat of high gloss white paint on it. After work I will mount the boards and add a second coat of paint. By Friday I will have the hooks mounted and it will add so much to the mudroom.

I am still looking for a proper bench to replace the cast off piece of shit I have in there now. A small rug will follow. Also I want to replace the ceiling light fixture since it has a brass base and the kitchen and mudroom have chrome fixtures.

The other project is a spice rack. I have a very samll one that has served for many years but these days I tend to buy my spices fresh and in bulk and for very very cheap at the farmer's market. This leaves me with plastic containers that I end up stacking all over the kitchen and pantry and my little spice rack does not have enough room even if I were to get empty bottles to put the spices in. So I have ordered a large magnetic whiteboard and 30 magnetic, clear topped containers and by the end of the week I will have a wonderful spice rack that is totally visible, close to the stove, and in keeping with the rest of my gorgeous kitchen!

Photos will be on the way!

I miss my friends

2008-06-09T21:43:00.001-04:00

That's all.

Plug For Bill and Max

2008-06-03T16:55:00.003-04:00

Could I just for a minute plug one of my favorite video bloggers? The remarkable Bill Bowles of last year's mynameisbill.com spent 6 months traveling the world and video blogging about the experience. It opened my eyes.

This summer his project is to travel the Mississippi River from Minneapolis to New Orleans in a rickety old pontoon boat and he and his fellow traveler Max will document every step of the way. on the website http://www.bigrivershow.com/. I really urge you to add this to your summer reading. I know it will be great! As a teaser here is the first post:

Holy Crap!

2008-05-31T21:15:00.003-04:00

The most number of viewers I have had on this private little blog in one day since I started it is about 23. On May 27 I had 91!!! What is that about?

Anyway, I am back home in my US home. I landed early this morning. I'm not sure how I'm feeling honestly. I am very very tired. I am happy to be home and to be with my dear cats. I am happy to be in warm weather again. I am happy that I can pay attention to my house after literally 8 months of mostly neglect. Old houses need regular care.

But. BUT. I miss Chile already and the friends I made there. This experience was very much unlike Japan. My Japanese colleagues were friendly to a certain point but were never friends. My Chilean colleagues, especially Eduardo and his family, became true friends. And I have to stop talking about this now or I will cry. Need to get more distance before I can write about it.

Until I pull myself together I have a funny story and I hope it ends up not being a "guess you had to be there" story. When I was back home in early April I bought a mouse. A wireless mouse with a bunch of neat features to allow me to navigate spreadsheets faster and more efficiently and most important without wires. Great mouse. As soon as I got back to Chile Lazo started making comments about it and I thought about getting one for his birthday but got something else instead. He kept making comments and by the end of April I was pretty sure I would not leave Chile with my mouse.

Wednesday (and I am not sure how this started) Lazo decided he wanted to go through the contents of my purse. He and Sam consider me one of the boys and I think he wanted to see how much of a girl I am by what I carried with me. He got lots of laughs out of the nail file and the cuticle clipper and howled at my passport photo (the worst in history) and then he found my little tiny purse where I keep my US currency. I had $41 plus some change in it and he took it out and pocketed it and I let him have it for a while and then told him to give it back. He finally turned it over. Then he asked me how much I paid for the mouse. I pulled up my Best Buy account and told him $84 including tax. I had every intention of coming back and buying one and sending it back to him but didn't tell him this. He told me that he wanted to buy mine and since it was used I really should not expect more than 50%, or $42 and since he had just given me $41 he owed me a dollar. So we traded mice. Or mouses. And now I am stuck with his crappy little wireless mouse until I can get back to Best Buy. I might wait a while. Every time I use it I giggle about the Lazo logic behind his "purchase" of my used equipment.

Also I would like to point out that he still owes me $1.

Saco.

Completos and Girlie Stuff

2008-05-25T00:32:00.013-04:00

Friday night I took Eduardo and Carol out. They have done so much for me and Sam too - bringing me into their family, including me, welcoming me into their home. I wanted to take them out and treat them and Carol chose the place and she is so good at finding a good place. It was a great night. Before we even got to the restaurant Eduardo told me I would come to their apartment Saturday for "completos" which is Chilean for hot dogs with the works. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I can't even describe what is put on hot dogs here. Tomatoes, guacamole, mayonnaise . . . I had to document this. I couldn't help myself.

You start with a hot dog on a large bun and fill it with fresh chopped tomatoes:

Next slather it with guacamole:

Add some spicy mayonnaise:

On top of that add ketchup:

and of course don't forget the mustard:

And VOILA! You have an authentic Chilean Completo!

It takes a big mouth to eat one of these things and Eduardo is well equipped:

When you've gorged on completos the only thing natural is to doze in front of a soccer game on TV:

While the guys were being guys in front of the TV Carol and her good friend Alejandra (Ally) got out the nail supplies at the big dining table and even though I was called a traitor for doing it I was intrigued and went to sit with the girls. Ally wanted to do my nails which was really embarrassing for me because I don't ever do my nails and when under stress I chew my cuticles and I am just a mess. But she told me to trust her and she would make them look good. She worked and worked and lord help me if she wasn't right! My hands almost look normal now:

See the pretty little flower on my ring finger? I have a flower on my thumbs too!

I love these people. I want to live here. I want to drive home from work every night and see the Andes. I want to hang out with great people on the weekends and watch Top Gun with my boys and do beauty shop with my girls. I want to buy a house here and have these people over and treat them as well as they have treated me.

I Have Lazo's Baby and A Fun Euphemism

2008-05-22T22:03:00.002-04:00

After months of wishing I now have Lazo's baby. Eduardo has THE BEST iPod I have ever heard and he plays it - a lot - in the office. And for months I have wanted it inside my itunes. I've wanted it bad and I've been a whore about it. I've caressed his iPod and run my fingers over the navigation wheel until I tingled all over but he has been a music-tease and he lets me touch it but has never given it to me. Tuesday he gave it to me. He gave it ALL to me! He put his stuff on my iPod and I downloaded a program that let me sync all of that with my itunes and now I have his baby. I am drowning in Simply Red right now.

And in the spirit of the above I have a funny euphemism for you. There are two people in the office who are quite obviously having a fling and unfortunately one of them is not me. It's kind of disgusting really but makes for great laughs since everyone is aware of it. Anyway, a few days ago they left the office in the morning to go to our warehouse (called Panamericana) which is about a 15 minute drive. They were having concerns about one of our suppliers (Andina - the South American distributor of Coke products) and wanted to check out the situation. They returned FIVE HOURS LATER looking flushed and relaxed so now the euphemism for having sex is "going out to Panamericana to check out the Andina products." As in "Last night I went out to Panamericana and checked out the Andina products. Twice." As in "All day today I have thought about going to Panamericana and if I don't go tonight to check out the Andina products I am going to implode." I personally think this is far superior to "Playing hide the sausage" or anything else. I only hope no one asks me to actually go out to Panamericana in the coming week because I might just pee my pants laughing.

All I'm Sayin' Is

2008-05-20T21:01:00.002-04:00

This made me laugh so hard I cried. You will know at which point I broke into hysteria.

Holiday tomorrow. Will make up for missing Memorial Day next week but only kind of since this holiday is on a Wednesday which makes for one day off and Memorial Day makes for a 3-day weekend. But whatever.

The Countdown

2008-05-18T12:02:00.003-04:00

It's official. Or at least it's as official as things can get with this company. I will be leaving Chile May 30th. My part in this project is at an end and it's time to go home. This is a good thing. I've been mostly on the road since September 30 when I first left for Mexico City. That's 8 months. 8 months is enough for now. There is more travel coming up but it won't be for such extended periods of time until we get more new business. I need time at home.

So I'm feeling really emotional. Uncharacteristic for me, right? I find myself tearing up at very awkward times. This has been such a good experience overall - despite the BS and headaches I have learned so much and I've been so very challenged and that is what I live for.

Wednesday I went out for dinner with Sam, Eduardo and Carol (Eduardo's gorgeous wife). It was the last night we were all going to be together for a while at least. We went for Peruvian food which is probably the best food I have ever eaten and we stayed out far far too late. Thursday after work I drove Sam to the airport and put him on a plane for the Middle East. By the time he gets back to Santiago I'll be gone and then he's off to Sydney and when we hugged goodbye at the airport all of this finally hit me and I cried although I managed to hold it off until I was walking back to the car. I can't begin to imagine the ugly cry ahead when I have to say goodbye to Eduardo.

It has been a very grey grey overcast autumn weekend in Santiago. Today I worked a bit in the morning and spent most of the afternoon sitting in bed watching US TV shows. Tonight it is blustery. The fallen leaves are blowing around in the whipping wind. Someone in an adjacent building has windchimes and I can hear them and it makes me happy. I love windchimes. I have them all over my house at home and when the wind blows my house positively sings. I am sitting here listening to them and feeling a bit of home.

Countdown

2008-05-10T17:30:00.002-04:00

It has been such a good week at home. So good that I really really don't want to go back. The weather has been perfect and I've gotten so much done - mostly outside where the most work was needed.

And now it's time to go. Errands are run, my suitcase is all packed except for a couple of last-minute things. It's just after 5:30 and in another 45 minutes I will call for a cab to pick me up about 7. This is always the strangest time. No time to do anything and yet I will spend the next 90 minutes walking around doing things that really don't need to be done because I need to fill my time. I'll do things like vacuum cat toys. Detail a trash can. Stupid stuff. The best thing about the last 90 minutes is finally getting on the plane and realizing there is truly nothing more I can do.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and she mentioned that I don't talk about Santiago as much as I did about Tokyo. This is because it isn't as totally different as Tokyo. In Santiago I can read the letters on signs even if I am not sure what the words mean but usually I am sure. In Santiago lots of people look like me, mainly because of the German factor. I've been lucky enough to get out of the city and see some smaller towns briefly and I assure you it is different in those places but Santiago is a big cosmopolitan, international city and while there are things distinctly Santiago they are not so completely different that they take my breath away. There is a different concept of time (they don't care). There is a different class structure (people truly are judged by what university they attended and what their name is). They do that damned kiss cheek thing although it could be worse. In Chile it's a kiss on the left cheek. But in Europe it's a kiss on both cheeks and god forbid the freaking Swiss kiss left, right then left again. Save me from Zurich.

OK. Time to get on with the leaving thing.

Time Passing Too Fast

2008-05-06T20:01:00.002-04:00

I try to give you all an idea of what it's like to live in another country but what's on my mind tonight is trying to describe what it's like to live in another country and yet still have a house here in the US that I visit for a brief week every now and then.

Since I left January 4 I have been back 4 times - and one of those times doesn't count since it was only a few days and I worked the whole time. Work work. Then twice I was back with bad weather - once it was downright cold and the other time it was rainy the entire week. This week it is warm (hot) and sunny and not only do I have a house to do basic cleaning in I also have a yard in desperate need of attention.

We kind of officially get comp time for flying outside of business hours and I've missed several holidays and I need to take at least 4 weeks of vacation or I will lose them so I should not feel guilty for taking care of my home but I do. I know I have a mountain of work to do while I am here but I've so far spent most of my time working on my home and yard and y'all, I feel like a million bucks! I am exhausted and sore but so satisfied.

Today I spread fresh pine needle mulch in the front and on the sides of the house. I cleaned and refilled two birdfeeders. I cleared off the front porch, scrubbed it down, and put it back together. No more green dust! I also cleaned and dusted two of my four rooms including doing windows which evidently the cats sit at and sneeze the whole time I am gone since they were covered with cat snot. Two more rooms to go. And about 23 days of yardwork.

So yes it is so good to travel but there are drawbacks. Like coming home and having to accomplish 4 months worth of stuff in one week.

I am dying here

2008-05-05T21:12:00.002-04:00

I landed Saturday morning about 6:15. Got a few things done Saturday but mostly I slept. Took two naps for a total of about 6 hours and then went to bed early.

Yesterday I was up early and out at the carwash place where I had my oil changed since I could not remember the last time. They washed and vacuumed and I sprung for a wax since the truck has been sitting for so long under a tree. It needed it and it looks better than it has in 2 years.

I went to Lowe's and got 9 bales of pine straw mulch and came home and got the machete out and started hacking away at the ivy in the backyard. When the blister on my right index finger became too painful I got out my FAVORITE POWER TOOL IN THE WORLD. My pressure washer. I love my pressure washer. I started washing the house. I got the back and part of the side and the patio concrete finished before I collapsed.

This morning I woke up and did some work work and then got back at it. I removed the old pine straw from last year and pressure washed the sidewalk and driveway and the other part of the side of the house. So the house is 1/2 finished now. And everything looks so good.

And I am dying. I am so sore and tired I can't hardly keep my head up.

I needed this. I needed to be home for a while and get out and kill myself in the yard. I needed it.

I feel better already. Except for the dying part.

Chilean Labor Day tomorrow! Holiday!

2008-05-01T00:27:00.002-04:00

I missed MLK holiday in the US. I missed the Easter day off. I think I missed one more holiday working - all the holidays have been spent working here. That's OK - in the end it will even out. But tomorrow is my first official holiday here - Chilean Labor Day - and I had looked forward to packing and doing laundry and some work. And now Sam and I have an invite to Lazo's family's place for a barbeque. It won't be the same place as a few weeks ago alas but the place here in Santiago. That's OK. Still time with a family!

Tonight is festive. It is very chilly here but I will keep my windows open until it gets down to official freezing temps - cold is much better sleeping weather! So my windows are open a bit and there are huge parties in the neighboring buildings - lots of Latin music and people singing along and the mood is so incredibly festive! I love having my windows open and listening. On Sunday mornings there is someone in another building who plays opera for about an hour. Normally I don't much care for opera but when I am in my apartment on a Sunday morning drinking coffee and hearing it waft in from another building I find it very moving and it opens my heart. Much as I find the music and festivities tonight. I am tired and happy to be here and happy to be going to bed in another few minutes but to hear the music and laughter from another building makes my night! Happy people bring so much joy!

Happy Chilean Labor Day!

Instant Karma's Gonna Get You

2008-04-27T21:39:00.003-04:00

OK this isn't funny anymore. Not even amusing. Over the past 4 days here it became late autumn with a vengeance. All week thick fog in the morning and grey skies most days and overcast and downright COLD. Not freezing cold but "I have only clothing inappropriate for this weather" cold. Today I ventured out and the streets and sidewalks were thick with fallen leaves. Everyone is bundled up in coats and scarves if they are out at all. It just freaks me out. It's LATE APRIL!!

Today it was cold enough that I wanted to turn on my heat and I messed around with what I have always thought was the thermostat for the heat that controlled the "radiators" in the bedroom and living room. I flicked every switch and tried everything known to man but the heat didn't come on. I spoke with Sam later in the day and he told me usually the building heat is controlled by the management and so only when they decide it is time for heat will the heat come on. I don't want a lot of heat - I only want to knock out the chill and dampness. I would turn on the oven but I don't have one. Earlier today when I got cold I took a very hot shower and that lasted a few hours then I got in bed fully clothed and that worked. Until I got up.

Looking forward more than ever to returning to May in Georgia at the end of the week! I'll have the windows open and grill out and walk barefoot in the yard and all will be good.

All Back

2008-04-25T22:06:00.003-04:00

Everyone here and accounted for. Sam's flight was due to land at 7:35 am but we have had massive fog in the airport area all week and so I was certain he would be delayed. Nevertheless I set the alarm for extra early and figured I could get up and work and then drive to the office and monitor the flight from there where I would be only a few minutes away. I got up early and read emails and responded to a few and then checked the Delta site and he was coming in about 30 minutes EARLY! So I hustled and he only had to stand on the curb about 10 minutes before I swooped in. He immediately told me that after 44 hours of flights he didn't trust himself driving so I drove him all the way back to his place and amused myself on his laptop while he unpacked presents and showered and got ready to go in. Still we were there by about 9:30.

It was a very bad week in the office for so many reasons but when Sam walked in the mood lightened considerably. Still problems but it's OK now. Because we are all back together. And we can get things done!

My buddies are all here now and it will be a precious week before I go off and then come back and then Sam goes off and Santiago will be a memory and occasional landing point. I am not yet ready to leave and I insist that the operation here is not yet ready to be healthy if we pull out now but it has to happen eventually. For now it looks like May 30 is my final departure.

It is full on autumn here. Today was grey and cold and I just can't deal with that in April even though I was so thrilled to deal with pool days in January. I found myself slightly depressed by the weather today.

I miss my cats so much and wonder how much more of this they can stand. Also I wonder how much more I can stand. I just hope Sonny holds on and hope Phoebe remembers that she can pat my nose in the night and wake me up and I will give her all the love she wants. That is my #1 favorite thing in the world and I don't want her to forget. I am sure Camille is exactly the same and is keeping things in line on the home front.

One week from now I will be inflight and about 7 hours from landing and maybe 9 tops from being home with the kidz. As much as I love being all together again I really just need to go home for a week and I so look forward to it!

So Excited!

2008-04-23T20:51:00.002-04:00

My boys are coming home! Right now both Sam and Eduardo are on flights back to Santiago and I am so excited I can't stand it. Not that I don't really really like almost everybody else in the office but these are my GUYS! These are my buddies. The people who make me laugh hardest, the people I can let the walls down with.

Hopefully Eduardo got the earlier direct flight from JFK to SCL and will not have to be on the later flight that stops in Lima. If he is on the direct flight he will be in early enough to be in the office tomorrow afternoon. Sam left Tel Aviv about 3 hours ago and will have to change at JFK and then ATL to get back Friday morning. I'll pick him up at the airport Friday morning and will get him to drop me back at the office before he goes to shower and change and come in.

Sam and I had our new 1 year anniversary this week. One year since he stepped back into being my boss, stepped on an airplane, and then I didn't see him for 7 months. For the first 7 months literally I would drive to the Atlanta airport and have lunch or dinner with him IF he happened to be on a flight with a long enough layover. Otherwise we only communicated by email and phone. It was OK really, but now having been here in Santiago together for the past 4 months I'm not sure I feel too good about going back to the old days.

Eduardo we are trying to get on our team so he will be with us to do these start ups. I hope a year from now we are all together in some great country doing the same thing.

Anyway I have been mostly bored for two days and nights because of Eduardo being in New York and totally bored for two weeks of dinners due to Sam being away and I really don't know if I will be able to sleep well tonight knowing they will both be back so soon.

I myself will head back to the US next Friday the 2nd. As always I hate leaving but I really need to get away for just a bit and remind the cats that they are domestic creatures and mop and vacuum for them and also just bury my face in soft, fuzzy cat tummies and sleep in my own bed and pick up and read a month's worth of mail and do yardwork . . .

Francisca Ruiz and Dead Cats

2008-04-22T19:21:00.003-04:00

Time to talk about Francisca.

I am a guy kind of gal. I like the guys and I bond with them better and I really can't say why this is true but honestly it has always been true. I think the main reasons I have had so many bad relationships is because I loved my guy friends so much that I thought it was only natural to get romantic. In doing so I lost not only the (as it turns out very bad) lovers but I also lost the friends. It took me a long time to learn and I learned mostly the hard way but now my guy friends are the ones I cherish most and I would not touch their pee pees with a ten foot pole. Which is best for all concerned, especially me.

I get along with women but I strongly prefer the company of men. Which is weird considering I am kind of a feminist. Maybe it's because they don't spend 3 hours a day at their desks looking into little mirrors to fix their hair and makeup so they are frsh and pretty when there is work to be done and no one gives a shit what anyone looks like as long as the work gets done. Maybe it's because they are more simple and straightforward (and I mean that in the best way). Not complex. I don't have to do a lot of figuring them out unless I make the mistake of getting into a romantic relationship with them and then they become impossible to figure out which is why I would rather have them as friends.

But Francisca is on my love list lately. I almost want to be her friend. She is a scrawny, skinny little thing and very naturally pretty and she wears nice shoes with heels without looking like she is trying to prove something. She is sweet to everyone and while almost everyone else in the office has realized that the cheek kiss thing isn't my cup of tea Fran still does this every morning with me and I admit it makes me happy when she walks in - like a breath of fresh air. So basically she has stood me down on the cheek kiss thing which I respect. She remains cheerful all day every day despite the challenges. In other words she is a woman who should be on my "I despise this bitch" list but Fran is definitely on the love list.

Francisca speaks about as much English as I do Spanish but she also understands as much English as I do Spanish which is a lot more than either of us speak. We keep our communication simple and in plain straightforward words. When she emails me or speaks to me she uses Spanish and lots of screenshots. When I speak to her or answer her emails I use English and lots of screenshots. And there has never been a moment of confusion. At leasts not for me.

Today our office Nana talked to me (in very fast Chilean Spanish *sigh*) about some things we need in our kitchen like coffee and creamer and balsamic vinegar. I understood her because I understood coffee, sugar, money and the name of the finance guy who keeps the petty cash but is never in the office. It has been determined presumably by some idiot that we have a 20,000 CLP per month budget for these things. These people (there are I think 12 permanent local staff members and an additional 3 or 4 temps/ex pats at this point) work 10, 12 and sometimes 14 hour days and 20,000 CLP is less than $40 USD per month for coffee, creamer, tea, sugar and lunch condiments (in Chile it is law that the company must provide lunch. Ours is slop not fit for pigs to the point where the few with expenses accounts with the exception of me refuse to eat it. I eat it only because I insist on hanging with my peeps). Anyway we need simple condiments like salt and pepper and balsamic vinegar. And coffee. But add this all up and it is more than the budget can support. So anyway today our Nana asked where our financial guy was because we were out of so many things and she needed petty cash to go to the store. Inez rides the bus. She has no car. And I can't live with the thought of her cleaning her ass off all day for us and then taking her own time to ride the bus to lug several bags of office things to us the next day so I told her to write me a list and since I have a car now I would go to the supermercado after work and pick it up on MY expense account and bring it with me in the morning. Maybe when I leave they will have to deal with the monthly coffee/condiment budget but God as my witness as long as I am here and my Visa card holds out until I get reimbursed these wonderful hardworking people will have the coffee and vinegar they need to get through! I would never compare them to the dog but it's kind of the same thing. When I leave Cholo might be back on the street but as long as I am here he will eat and hopefully when (IF) I do leave he will be stronger and healthier and better able to fend for himself than when he was a starving pup. (more on this in a couple of paragraphs).

I've digressed again. So I am in the grocery store after work picking up the tres bolsas de Cafe Haiti and the azucer and the crema and the limon and my crackberry jingles and it's an email from Fran - in Spanish - asking me what the atteched error message means. I wrote back and told her - in mostly English - that I was at the supermercado and would be back a mi casa en 20 minutos and would answer her then. She wrote me back - in Spanish - that it was not a problem and could wait until tomorrow. When I got home I looked into it and told her - half in English and half in really poor Spanish - that it was just a temporary system problem and she should instruct everyone to wait 15 minutes and try again. Also I mentioned that I knew I was a gringa loca for writing half in English and half in bad Spanish. She wrote back - in Spanish - and told me she was laughing so hard.

I love Fran. Even if she is a girl.

Which brings me back to Cholo and the dog(s). I have a disturbing update. Cholo and his big sister the fat lazy "Girl" are now excellent playmates. Especially in the morning when I first arrive they are tearing around the place chasing and playing with each other. Girl, despite being a fat lazy old lady, holds her own and I have seen her take Cholo down! But these are warehouse dogs who, despite their excellentness, are street dogs. They are loving and attentive but they are street dogs. When I go outside Cholo sees me and he comes over to nip at my feet and slacks in a playful way and he keeps it up util I am laughing so hard. He has such a good sense of humor and I know he knows it amuses me.

Yesterday morning I went out for a smoke and saw what I thought was a grey sweater lying outside the fence. Having nothing better to do while I smoked I walked closer to check it out and it was a dead cat. A dead mauled cat to be precise. I turned and walked away and went back to the office upset and told Lazo about it. He has a different attitude and said that's the way things are. I told him we needed to find a shovel so we could bury it since any living thing deserves a proper burial. He told me I was crazy and I decided at that point to give up smoking so I would not have to look at the poor thing. It might not have bothered me so much but it was grey and white like Phoebe and it was small and tiny unlike Phoebe but when I saw the body all mangled the only thing I could think about was Phoebe and how this poor little cat was born on the street like Phoebe but unlike Phoebe had not had care and love and so I was very sad. I knew the street dogs outside the fence had gotten the cat and mauled it.

Today I went in and as the staff came in they told me (in Spanish and with sign language) that MY dogs had killed another cat last night. I am not sure how to feel about this. They do not know better because they have not been taught better. I have had dogs and cats in the same house all my life and the dogs loved the cats and the cats would curl up with the dogs. I can't hate Cholo and Girl for what comes naturally to them any more than I can hate a cat for killing a bird or rat or mole. But I don't know how to teach them that this isn't OK.

So that is my problem for the day. I need to figure this one out. I can'thave cats killed for the fun of it by dogs I have grown to love.

Living in a Different Hemisphere

2008-04-21T21:02:00.002-04:00

If you want to do something that will truly mess with your head try living in the opposite hemisphere long enough to see seasons change. I was born and bred and have alwyas lived in the northern hemisphere where summer comes when it is supposed to and Christmas is in winter. The few times I have traveled I have traveled to other places in the northern hemisphere and there was very little difference from what I knew having lived everywhere from Iowa to Southern California to Boston to Georgia. I could relate. But it's almost MAY now and all the billboards are displaying winter coats and ski equipment and there is a chill in the air even though the days still get very warm. My head sayd I need to go out and buy some appropriate cool weather things to get me through but when I make plans to do it I talk myself out of it because it's almost MAY. And then there is the instinct thing. I do a nesting thing when the weather begins to get cool. I nest and I become far more domestic than I am in the summer and I think about Christmas cookies and Halloween decorations and turkeys. And I find that when I relax and get comfy in my cooler weather relaxing clothes those are the thoughts that come to my mind. AND IT IS ALMOST MAY!!! The first couple of months here it was if I had gone on a vacation to a tropical place that saved me from winter and I had no problem with it but now that I have become a temporary long-term resident I AM SCREWED UP.

A couple of totally random observations:

1. You can not get fresh milk here. It does not exist. Milk is pasteurized and processed beyond anything recognizable and the cartons sit on regular grocery shelves because they need no refrigeration. I don't drink milk. Ever. But more and more I find that the inability to get fresh milk creates a huge craving.

2. They write the numeral "9" here backwards. So the hump is on the right side instead of the left side. It always takes me aback.

3. (And some of the international readers might laugh that I find this odd) When writing out currency in numbers the commas and periods are reversed. This has become a huge issue while training the Chilean guy who is processing invoices because he never can remember. I get a Chilean invoice where the currency is USD or Euros and it's for 39,293.85. On the invoice it is written 39.293,85. That might seem a small thing but if you've seen it one way your whole life and then have to "translate" it it's just very very very different.

OK that's the end of the little culture lesson for tonight. My laundry is done, I am tired, and I am going to bed to read a very bad mystery novel for about 2 pages before I fall asleep on it. Eduardo is in NYC for a couple of days and Sam doesn't get back until Friday so this week is going to be a chore to get through without amusement so I plan to be entirely dull until they get back.

Car

2008-04-19T18:15:00.003-04:00

I emailed Sam Thursday night. Sam is in the Middle East with his family - wife and daughter - for a couple of weeks. His wife and daughter went back there to be with family when it became clear that Sam was going to be living out of a suitcase for quite a while so when he goes home he goes there. So anyway I emailed Sam. He can't get back to Santiago fast enough for me by the way. I have become so bored. At home I get bored a lot but I can always do something around the house or yard. Here there is nothing to do around the house or yard because, well, there is no house. Or yard. Just the apartment, and I can't do anything around it except laundry on Sunday mornings. So the absence of Sam, my dinner buddy, one of the loves of my life (in that completely unromantic way and only because I can completely be myself with him despite the fact that I actually REPORT to him) has worn thin.

But I digress.

So anyway I emailed Sam Thursday night. About 6 weeks ago I finally lost it with Jorge having the car and determining the schedule and being entirely dependant on him for transportation. Jorge is the project manager in title and so has many meetings that last long hours and my job is a bit different. Once the end of the office day comes there is really no need for me to be there - all additional work for the day can be done from anywhere. So I just got sick of sitting around in the office waiting for him to decide it was time to drive back to the neighborhood. Also there was never ever any FUCKING communication from him. Nothing like "Hey it might be 10 pm before I leave tonight so if you want to leave any earlier maybe we could set up a taxi for you." No. I just sat and waited. So mercifully decided it might be better to set up a daily taxi for me and I got Manuel. Manuel speaks some English and lord but he loves to practice it with me. Also he loves to nag me to learn more Spanish. Which I should. But after a day in the office trying to train people who speak no English and having to pull over the few who do speak English to translate when hand signals aren't working I really don't want to get in a taxi and spend another 30-60 minutes struggling for conversation and being scolded that I am not speaking Spanish. Also Manuel was fond of playing CDs of Brazilian love songs and translating the Portugese for me. "Now he is saying he loves her soft smooth skin. Now he is singing that she has the smell of love." AWKWARD. Then there was the famous drive when he spilled that he really wants to leave his wife and find a no-strings-attached-"relationship" so he can have fun because, hey. He is 52 and has missed most of the fun in life. AWKWARD times five at least.

Then last weekend I was in a "human" car with a human family thanks to Lazo and I spent the next 4 days just wanting to shift and throw in the clutch (though not necessarily in that order) and DRIVE WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN and music blasting. And I got the itch bigger than ever.

So anyway Thursday night I emailed Sam. I told him I thought there was NO WAY an economy rental could possibly cost more than the 2 ways in a taxi daily plus taxis on the weekends. Also with Manuel I had to set up the pick up times both ways in advance and sometimes that wasn't so great. Sometimes I wanted to set the snooze in the mornings for an extra 10 minutes. And more often there were days when I needed and wanted to be in the office an additional 30 minutes or an hour. So bitch that I am I begged for a rental car. I am bored. I am lonely. I just want to depend on myself. When I was in Tokyo Gerard spoiled me with telling me no one should ever have to give up their standard of living at home when they are on assignment with the company abroad. In Tokyo I had my bicycle which I bought on my per diem for about $50 US and it was my freedom. I guess I just have not felt freedom here because I can not come and go as I please. I want to be late if I am late and stay late if I need to and not walk 2 blocks to catch a taxi to the mall on the weekends. I told him we keep talking about sightseeing on the weekends and now that we hopefully are in the waning days of our time here wouldn't a little rental make more sense than taking taxis? And Sam agreed. Because there is a slight possibility that Sam is scared of me when I get like this. This is a car we will SHARE. Mostly because Sam has parking at his place and I will need to move this thing around on the streets until he is back. Also because we hang together mostly when we are both here. Poor Sam.

Today I took yet another taxi to the airport (and also I totally got ripped off - it should not have been more than 15,000 CLP but the fucker charged me 35,390 and there was no way for me to haggle and tell him he was a fucking THIEF). I picked up the car and a really nice guy walked me around it to show me the existing dings that were marked on the drawing and also showed me where the spare and jack were and I understood everything because he was showing me a CAR which I KNOW the parts of and then he told me I was intelligent and beautiful (oh shit these South American men. I think I love them all. Since January 5 I have heard that I am beautiful more times than ever in my life and even though I know they are all lying it is so nice to hear and it makes me blush like a little girl.)

Here is the car:

OK it's a four door Yaris. I wanted something tiny and sporty but this was the best they could do so I got it for the same price of the economy. And when they told me this in Spanish I understood.

On a funny note. When I excitedly announced in the office Friday morning that Sam said it was OK to get a rental everyone, especially Lazo, showed no confidence whatsoever in my ability to navigate and get home unscathed. When I did I sent him an SMS text telling him I am the Queen of driving in Santiago. He replied telling me if I get lost I am NOT to call him. That was about 7 hours ago. I just now picked a random city on the Chilean map which I figure is about a 4 - 5 hour drive from here and told him I was lost and did he recognize the city name? I told him I was certain I was just around the corner from my apartment but nothing looked familiar and did he have any suggestions? I have not yet heard back. If I don't get a response over the weekend I might just for fun show up in the office at 10 Monday morning. Maybe 11.

My weekend in the Chilean Countryside

2008-04-14T22:52:00.002-04:00

OK so not a full weekend - only a Sunday, but it was one of the best days of my life! When I got home I realized it happened exactly three years to the day after my Japanese O-hanami (cherry blossom viewing). Coincidence? I think not. From this ay forward I will celebrate April 13 as a special day!

Eduardo and his wonderful wife Carol picked me up at about 11 am in his blue Volkswagen Golf which he will be the first to tell you is a car to be driven only by very wonderful handsome men. This is one of the reasons I love Lazo so much. He is humble. Also he is full of shit.

So we set out on the road. Carol doesn't speak (much) english and so Eduardo translated the conversation but mostly we just enjoyed the driving. We wound up into the Andes and passed through a couple of small towns where I finally realized I AM IN SOUTH AMERICA!!! When you are in a big city like Santiago where most people speak at least a couple of words of English and everything is really international it's easy to brush it off but driving through these little towns was like running into a brick wall - I AM IN SOUTH AMERICA! Well duh.

We passed by small farms with llama (!!!) and tuna stands. Tuna is a cactus fruit and it is sweet and juicy and delicious. I also kept seeing signs by the road with "aceituna" for sale and finally looked it up on my translator and aceituna is olive. They grow OLIVES and sell them fresh at roadside stands!! Eventually we pulled into a roadside bodegacita (I probably have that wrong but basically it was a roadside stand). Lazo told me here we would wait for Carol's parents who own the house where we were going. Also his two daughters were with his in-laws.

After we purchased and ate horse jerky (!!!) and freshly baked bread the rest of our party arrived and the girls ran out of the car with kid-drawings for me which about made me cry at that point. Said drawings are now posted at my desk and I fear I will actually frame them when I get home. Where is that? Everyone welcomed me with open arms and cries of "Mucho gusto!" and I really felt so much at home.

I've written about Eduardo before. With Eduardo there is that kind of special very deep connection that I don't feel even with people I consider my friends. I can be 100% myself with him and he accepts that and appreciates it or maybe not but he puts up with it and the odd thing is that his wife and daughters and in-laws did too. I mean I was polite (I only said "fuck" once in response to a terrifying driving maneuver and Carol was the only other person in the car and she agreed with me) but I was me and they didn't mind at all.

On a side note this is what tears me up about my job. I travel which is great but when you spend any time in a place you are likely to make connections with people - people you might never see again. People you meet and adore and then they are gone because you get on a plane and go back to your life. And they are always there in your heart but they aren't there because they live on another continent where Christmas happens in summer or some weird shit like that.

So we got to this place out in the country. Out in the Chilean country. Where it is rough. Not like anything I have seen in the US except out west. But it was heaven on earth after spending the past 3 months worth of weekends kind of trapped in my neighborhood in Santiago. No TV. No internet. Lazo has the best music collection in the world and brought it on his laptop which he hooked up to the stereo and set the speakers outside and we sat on the covered patio and listened to music and talked and watched the girls play and ate the most delicious meat. I got full very fast and might just regret that forever. When the afternoon was very unfortunately beginning to be over I got on my knees and hugged everyone's legs and cried and begged them to leave me there. OK. Not really but that is what I wanted to do.

Lazo's father-in-law suggested since I had never seen it that we drive back to Santiago via Vina del Mar which is a coastal resort. It would only take us maybe one hour total out of our way. We set out again. This time Belen, Lazo's youngest daughter, sat in the backseat of the VW with me and promptly fell asleep and I kept asking if I needed to move her because she was all crumpled over and I don't understand how all the circulation in her body didn't stop.

We got to Vina del Mar about 25 minutes before sunset and drove on a tiny bit more to (oh crap I have the name written down but it's in the briefcase and I do not want to look in there right now). We parked which was a surprise to me since I did not know the plan and y'all, I was down the stairs and on the beach just as fast as I could kick the birkenstocks off while in a dead run. Ok not really but that is what my heart felt like seeing sand and ocean for the first time in 3 years. The girls and I got onto the beach and I just had to put my feet in the water of the Pacific like a gringa loca. It was COLD! If it hadn't been so cold I swear I would have gone in to my neck fully dressed but it was ICY!

When we got that out of our systems we went up to a patio coffee shop and ordered coffee and empanadas and sat and watched the sun set. It was just spectacular.

After I got on my knees and cried and begged to be left there (yeah - kidding again but not really) we said our goodbyes to the passengers in the other vehicle. I knew I would be forced to do the fucking cheek kiss thing all day but really I didn't mind. It was family. When we said goodbye I thanked them profusely and told them how much it meant to me that they had included me and went to do the cheek kiss thing and as I always do just because I am North American and when we cheek kiss it is instinctive to hug as well I hugged them all and I thought they were not going to let go! Each and every one of them hugged me like I can't remember being hugged.

And then we (fucking) set out again in our seperate vehicles for the drive back into Santiago. Eduardo and Carol in front, me and (this time) 6 year old Ignacia in back. Ignacia immediately fell asleep and the whole time I watched her neck bent over and worried that she was going to die from lack of circulation. The view from the mountains looking into the valleys took my breath away. I would like to get a rental car in the next couple of weeks and share it with Sam but I'm really afraid all I would do is drive all night and get to the office delirious every day. I could look at the views here forever. I understand why so many US people choose to retire here.

We finally got to my neighborhood . . . my street . . . in front of my apartment. I really did NOT want to get out fo the car. I gave Ignacia (still sleeping) a kiss on the forehead and Carol got out to let me out of the 2 door stud-mobile. She wrapped her arms around me and wouldn't let go forever and then fucking Lazo had to get out and kiss and hug me like the little girl he is. He does hug like he has 18 foot long arms and this is the thing I love about him only second to his extreme humility.

So I got out of Santiago. I ate delicious meat cooked by an expert. I rode in a VW Golf which is evidently the sex machine of South America if you buy into Lazo's story which actually I don't. I saw stuff I could not ever have imagined seeing. I relaxed. In a full 24 hour period I did not once work. OK it was only 20 hours but hey close enough. I made skin to skin contact with the Pacific ocean for the first time in 25 years. I listened to Eric Clapton while watching the Andes change with the light. I learned my colors in spanish with a four year old and a six year old. I drank really crappy instant coffee by the ocean with people I will love forever just because they welcomed me and gave me excellent hugs.

Below is the link to the shutterfly album for the day. I couldn't post them all here. If you need a password use serenity.

http://www.shutterfly.com/view/slideshow.jsp?auto=1&aid=67b0de21b21891f7f4d5&js=1208227964109

I GOT OUT OF THE APARTMENT!!!!!

2008-04-12T22:15:00.004-04:00

Hola Chicos!

Today. Today was great. Today I went to Pueblito de Los Dominicos which is an artisan market on the grounds of one of the oldest churches in Santiago. It was spectacular and I did not take photos. I had the camera with me and I kept thinking I wanted to take some pictures but it was just so good to be out and about and experience it that I did not do so. I just kind of wanted to absorb it without a lens in front of my face.

Pueblito is set up like a little community with all the artists in their own secure stalls. If you are in Santiago and you would like to procure a bird of any kind I can tell you this is the place to go. The first few stalls were all about birds of every kind - many of which I had never seen. As I moved on there was ceramic ware, textiles, copper ware, lapis lazuli, acrylic artists . . . all set up in a little town-like setting and it was just a joy to walk through it slowly and enjoy the sights.

In my 3+ months in Santiago I have seen maybe 3 cats. Today at Los Dominicos there were cats all over the place and they are so used to being loved on that I was able to get a load of cat lovin' done!

Today I bought myself a gorgeous lapis lazuli necklace. Lapis Lazuli is found in two places in the world - Chile and Afghanistan. It is the native stone of this country and I have been determined to make a purchase since I arrived in January. You can get ll jewelry all over but the prices are more in line with the US unless you know where to go. I do know there are places where it is a bit less expensive but today I broke down and purchased a necklace for myself (also two pair of earrings). I never ever ever buy things like this. I wear clothing until it is in rags. But today I bought a beautiful necklace for me. Right now I am wearing my grey Target sweatpants and my 20 year old WVU grey sweatshit and my necklace and I am a fashionista!

Also I purchased a mate gourd and bombilla and a bag of yerba mate. Yerba mate is a tea made from a type of holly and besides the health benefits it is a social thing. Google yerba mate for more info. The traditional mate cup is a gourd and it must be cured and mine is curing right now! The bombilla is a metal straw/strainer through which you drink the mate. It is a social thing where a group of people pass the mate cup around and they all drink from it. There are a lot of youtube videos which explain the intricate process of brewing yerba mate and I would encourage you to look them up.

When I got home from Los Dominicos I got an SMS text from the love of my life Eduardo. Tomorrow he will come with his wife and daughters to pick me up at about 10:30 and they will take me to a place called Lliu-Lliu, about a 2 hour drive from Santiago. This is where his in-laws live and they are having a barbeque and y'all - I GET TO GO!!! I get to finally meet his family and finally I will leave Santiago and see a bit more of Chile!!! I have all the electronics charging now and I promise to capture this day as best I can so I can share it with you.

You just simply can not imagine what I see every day. I think I am the most fortunate person in the world. Right now it is 11 pm and I am in my little apartment on the 11th floor of my building and the world holds so much I can't even stand it. Life is just something else.

And if you stay 3 months . . .

2008-04-11T19:05:00.004-04:00

The apartment elves visited again today and SCORE!!!!

A brand new just out of the box REAL COFFEEMAKER!!!!!! For the past 3 months I've been brewing my coffee through what can best be described as a coffee sock into a ceramic tea pot provided by the apartment. When I walked in today I hooted out loud! I can't wait to measure out my coffee and water before bed tonight and wake up in the morning and only flip the switch for my morning joe!

The apartment elves rock. What more could a gal need than a flat screen TV mounted on the bedroom wall and a coffeemaker?

The Best Feelings In The World

2008-04-08T21:34:00.003-04:00

My Top However Many It Ends Up Being List:

1. Coming home and knowing I don't have to go back out and washing my face. Someone (an expert) recently told me the very best face wash/exfolliator is to mix a little Cetaphyl with a bit of plain baking soda into a runny paste and I swear it is the best) Apologies for the girlie shit.

2. Shaving my legs the same day I change my sheets. I only sleep on 100% cotton at the highest thread count I can afford which seems to be around 400 if I can make them last for 4 years and get them on sale. Also I prefer white sheets always. I change my sheets on Sundays and so make sure I also shave my legs on that day even in the winter because it just feels so good to get into fresh sheets with smooth legs. More apologies for more girlie shit but I promise these are the two girlie things I totally indulge in. I've been trying to make an attempt to wear lipstick recently in an effort to be more girlie and today I was trying to hide the fact that I was putting some more on and Eduardo caught me and told me it just wasn't me and to stop it. I'm more of a lip balm kind of gal.

3. Holding cats. Really holding them. Phoebe at 2 years has begun to let me for about 90 seconds at a time. Sonny my old man 18 year old adores to be on me with his paws wrapped arond my neck but doesn't really like the hugging. Camille is my love bunny. She will get on my lap and let me squeeze her and hug her and she purrs and begs for more. Also if she is scared like when she goes to the vet or goes into quarantine in Japan or there is a thunderstorm she will crawl up to my shoulder and hold on and bury her face in my neck. It is so sweet and one of the top best feelings in the world.

4. Loving someone you are not related to or in a romantic relationship with. Really truly loving. I have three and there is nothing I would not do for any one of them. You know who you are.

5. An exceptional morning fart.

6. A good, flavorful cup of just-strong-enough freshly brewed coffee. Or two or five.

7. An excellent massage.

8. Having enough time one night in 30 to think about the simple things that you consider the best feelings in the world and appreciate that the majority of them cost nothing at all and yet are priceless.

I guess this makes a Top Eight List. I always was a bit of an underachiever.

PS: My last post was about the apartment elves and I totally left out what prompted this post. Last night when I got home (and after I washed my face of course) I turned down the sheets and the elves had left me 2 brand new fluffy excellent pillows!!! My previous pillows were pretty flat - one was kind of firm and the other was squooshy and I always used the squooshy one and nana always left the firm one on my sleeping side when she made up the bed so I had to exchange them every night. I now have two great squooshy pillows! Which are brand new and so I am the only person to have slobbered on them! Which I guess brings me to Best Feeling #9 which is excellent pillows. So I am not such an underachiever after all.

Apartment Elves and a Cholo Update

2008-04-07T21:14:00.002-04:00

I am once again back in Santiago where the leaves are falling and the mornings and evenings are increasing chillier even if it does get up into the 80s during the day.

I've been meaning to mention my apartment elves because they, with my nana, have been a source of mystery and merriment for me during my stay here.

One never knows when the elves will show up. I have only ever requested one repair, and that was to the little washer/dryer unit in my kitchen. The dryer stopped working and I reported it and they fixed it. But other repairs and improvements and assorted oddities have happened while I've been away at the office.

Sometimes furnishings disappear and then later reappear. This first happened with a silk floral arrangement on one of my side tables in the living room. One day it was just gone. It has never reappeared. Then another day I walked in and one chair was missing from the little table out on my balcony. Two days later it magically reappeared. I don't know where it went but it missed me.

For about 2 months after I got here there were two large tiles in the shower that had buckled and pulled away from the wall - very noticeable but hey - not my problem and it did not in any way bother me. One day I walked in and the tiles had been replaced.

Also in my kitchen I was using the extra hand towel folded up on the cutting board to put wet freshly washed dishes on to dry. It took about 5 weeks but I walked in one day and my nana had replaced it with a colorful kitchen towel! I laundered this every week and then while I was in the US last week she replaced it with another one, this time in shades of blue.

I had a little TV set in the bedroom which was on a table which took up most of one corner. I have had the TV on, like, 4 times since January so I don't really notice it. One day I walked in and there was something very different in the bedroom and I finally realized they had replaced my bulky TV with a flat screen. But this one is an epic elf story. Two days later I walked in and the flat screen had been mounted on the wall! Three days after that I walked in and they had raised it about 4 inches. There were two holes where they had previously mounted it and these had been filled with a white hole compound. Tonight I noticed that while I was in the US the white filled holes has been painted to match the wall paint!

Like my nana I do wish I could take the apartment elves back to the US with me if and when I finally return for good.

I have an update on my little black Cholo dog! He is doing well and growing like crazy. I guess food helps. He is now a regular resident inside the gate and the one female guard has latched onto him which makes me feel so much better about leaving him someday. This morning when I got out of the taxi he saw me and just about broke his neck running to greet me! He also found the tennis ball I gave him last month and brought it to me and we played fetch for a while. He has gotten to be a pro at fetch. He also doesn't jump up as much. He is so funny - he loves to chew on my hand - just love chews - but if I pull my hand away he messes with me and will lightly nip at my pants and my feet to let me know he still wants to play. I know he is being fed by someone other than me because when I brought a bowl of food out to him this afternoon he ate a little and when I left tonight it was mostly still there. I think he has become a favorite for everyone at this facility and for good reason. He is a most excellent dog. I am happy that I pushed for him to become a part of the place and I think he has a home for life if he chooses to stay.

Frigging Delta!

2008-04-01T13:47:00.002-04:00

This was in today's mail. I am now a Silver Medallion Delta Skymiles member. This means year to date I have flown in excess of 25,000 miles. To be exact I have now flown just slightly in excess of 30,000 miles.

The skymiles thing is really a thing. As an employee of my company we don't get many perks. In fact we tend to get lost in the shuffle. So skymiles is a big deal. Sam is my skymiles guru and advises me about how to get the max miles possible. He just reached Platinum. He is God. At least in the world of skymiles. Otherwise not.

This past flight from Santiago to Atlanta I had 47,000 some odd miles and I knew I would go over 50,000 on the flight home. I got to the ATL airport and checked the Delta website from the blackberry at 6:30 am (yes I told you this is a big freaking deal) and I was at 52,000 some odd miles and I immediately skyped Sam with the official news. But when I got home and checked the site again (just to bask in the glory you understand) I was still at Silver Medallion status. I checked it out a bit more and realized that I was looking at my total miles and not at miles year to date so I am only now silver.

The package that came today was a bit of a downer because of all this. I did get a new card and a key fob card and a luggage tag. But I'm only silver and in the world of skymiles I am still white trash. I need 20,000 miles to make it to gold where upgrades will kick in. I will need to do about 2 more round trips to Santiago to make this or one round trip to Tokyo. My goal for the year is to at least make gold.

All of this is totally selfish for me. It isn't the prestige, which is at best dubious when one is talking skymiles. What I really want is a vacation. A real vacation where I take a week off and I don't stay home doing yardwork or remodeling. I want a week on the beach somewhere and I want to use my miles to pay for the flight. I still need to get back to St. Martin to finish the doomed vacation from 2004. I want soft white sand and eye-blindingly turquoise water and totally buff Belgian beach boys to bring me water with lemon and I want to watch naked imperfect people walking on the beach while I clutch a huge towel around me because I am an American and I want to swim with fucking dolphins and I want to leave the laptop at home for one week and possibly even turn off the blackberry because I DESERVE IT. And I do not want to pay for my flight. That's all I want. Because of vacation time rolled over from last year I have almost 6 weeks of vacation time this year and I can only roll over 2 weeks of it which means I need to take 3+ weeks before December 31 or I will lose it. I just have no idea how this is going to happen.

Sam, if you are reading this I am taking April off. See you in May. April Fool's. Damnit.

My Favorite Words in Spanish

2008-03-23T20:49:00.002-04:00

I am still so new to this language and no I have not been studying the way I should because there is so much work to do. But I've gotten to the point where I can make very very very small talk with waiters and taxi drivers as long as it's in the present tense.

I have some favorite words. They are favorites because they are a joy to hear just for the sound.

1. cachai (I have no idea if this is the correct spelling) This is not spanish but Chilean and it means "You know?" I love the texture of the sound. It is sharp and brittle. I also love that it is Chilean.

2. mira = look. I hear this all the time during the day. "Mira, the warehouse screwed up." "Mira, there are only so many hours in a day." Mira, I love to hear this word.

3. entonces = then. Every time I hear this word I think of Toonces the Driving Cat from Saturday Night Live. Not pronounced the same but still that's what I think of. One day Eduardo had his four year old daughter on the phone and he pulled me over and put her on speaker and she was going on and on about blah blah blah entonces blah blah blah entonces blah blah blah. It was so obvious that she was telling him a plot. When he hung up he told me she was telling him about a cartoon she had just watched!

4. OK this isn't a specific word but in many cases, at least here in Chile, the "s" is not pronounced in words. Like buenos dias is "buen dia." Gracias is "gracia." Esta becomes "ta."

5. ayer = tomorrow. I can't use this because I only know the few things I know in the present tense and so I would say things like "Tomorrow I am hungry" or "tomorrow I am tired." But it sounds so pretty to hear it spoken.

I far prefer the Chilean dialect to the Mexican dialect. The Mexican dialect makes my brain shut down. The Chilean dialect makes me want to listen. I can't tell you why but there is a huge difference.

I find that every day I pick up more and more and every day I am more willing to make a total ass of myself and try to use it. Like tonight I was kind of making very very very tiny conversation with a waiter and he asked me how long I had been here and I couldn't remember the word for January (Enero) so I said since the first month of the year. I don't think I said "since" right but he knew what I meant.

Catching Up

2008-03-22T14:08:00.006-04:00

So anyway it's Easter weekend here and todo esta cerrado. Nada esta abierto. Which means I can work, do laundry, go to the grocery store, watch TV or blog. I plan to do all of this between today and tomorrow but I thought I would start by blogging since I have done not too much of that lately. So this is a mish-mash.

On Flying

The flight between Atlanta and Santiago is between 9 1/2 and 10 1/2 hours depending on conditions and which way you are going. I fly coach because only recently has my company allowed for business class upgrade for flights over 4 hours but this flight both ways is always so packed in advance that I can't pursue that particular luxury. So I have learned to sleep (doze) on an airplane which I was never able to do even when I was flying business class between Chicago and Tokyo.

I love these flights tell the truth. When I fly into Atlanta from Santiago I land early morning and I am in my own home by 8 or 8:30 am. I like that. When I do the flight from Atlanta to Santiago it is magical. The flight lands in Santiago early morning and if I can snag a window seat I get to watch the sun rise over the west coast of South America.

Let me just repeat that for my own amusement. I get to watch the sun rise over the west coast of South America!

My Nana

A nana here is a maid. We have a nana in the office - Inez - and I've written about her before. She is full time and we can't drink a cup of coffee without her taking the cup away and bring a fresh cup of coffee in a clean cup. Just let someone go pee and wash their hands and she is in the bathroom scrubbing. My nana here in the apartment takes care of me the same way but she obviously doesn't approve of how I have my apartment arranged so every day I come home and she has put things where she believes they ought to be and every night I put them back where I want them. It has become a little ritual that makes me smile. I clean up after myself completely just like at home and really the only thing I do not do is make my bed. At home I make my bed every day but here with a nana that is the luxury I allow myself. I wash the dishes, I make sure the bathroom is clean, I make sure I have picked up after myself and all she has to do is come in and make the bed and leave a fresh towel but still she vacuums and mops and dusts and I think I am now so spoiled. On the few occasions when I have actually been here my nana rings the doorbell and I answer the door and she says "Permisso?" and I'm like permisso my ass - you just come on in because you are the greatest woman in the entire world!

My Neighborhood

My neighborhood is called Las Condes and is (I think) between Vitacura and Providencia if you care to find a better map that I have been able to find. I'm a stone's throw from the US Embassy so just in case there is a coup I can make a run for it. It is a great neighborhood and I love it. I've worked most every weekend and have not gotten out at all to see anything in Santiago which I just hate. I thought this weekend I would get out and about and maybe even rent a car and drive to Valparaiso and Vina del Mar but yesterday I realized that everything is closed which I guess is to be expected when you live in a country that is 99.9% Catholic and it's Easter weekend. But yesterday I went for a walk up the street to Plaza Peru, a small urban park. I first saw it by accident and this time I went back on purpose. Mainly because there is an aviary there with beautiful birds.

When I was in grad school and my parents refused to give Frank, my cat, back to me I was starved for pet companionship and I bought a hand fed baby cockatiel. I named him Beau. Beau was a character and had free run of the apartment. This will gross out some of you but Beau loved to eat from my mouth. In fact he insisted on it. He loved pre-chewed saltines. As a grad student I lived mostly on soup and his favorite was cream of mushroom and he would sit on the edge of the soup bowl and pick out the mushrooms and chew them and get mushroom gook all over his face and then I would have to wash his little bird face. For anyone who thinks that is dirty and filthy I would like to point out that almost 20 years later I am still alive and entirely disease free. Birds have such excellent personalities. Beau was a natural student and I taught him to do the "phweet phwoo" whistle. I bought a long bird ladder so he could climb up in front of a mirror and he delighted in spending hours standing in front of the mirror and looking at himself and whistling at himself. Alas he was a boy bird and you know how boys are. One spring morning he was out in the apartment and I left for work and when I got home he had chewed his way out of a window screen in search of a love I was not able to give him. Story of my fucking life. I will never forget that bird.

Needle Decisions

In response to a recent comment by Harvey (who I am sure is still living with remnants of Dylan's fur all over his weird little guitar thingy case which Dylan insisted on sleeping on for a week last June). No I did not get the tattoo. This is only because Sam forgot that the plan was to get me a tattoo and I was not going without him because I don't speak the language and he does and if something permanent is going on my body I want to make sure my wishes are very fucking clear. So what I decided on when I got back to Atlanta was botox. Y'all, I like most of my lines, especially the eye crinkle laugh lines. They are hereditary and I've earned them and I like them because when I look in the mirror I see my Dad and my Grandaddy. But I have always since my 20s had this vertical furrow between my brows that small animals could fall into and never be seen again. It was something that always made me look angry but was a result of me furrowing my brow when I was concentrating. Which I have had to do a lot because I am blonde and was required in high school to take subjects like math and goemetry and biology. Also about age 28 I started having to learn how to use a computer. It started to bother me in my 30s which means it has been maybe 10 or 15 years that I have wanted it gone and have been considering botox. Not a rash decision here. So I finally did it and I am amazed. As long as I was there getting needles stuck in my face I decided to have the whole forehead done and I can't even tell you the difference. I can still make expressions and it isn't like my face is dead of expression but those lines that I really hated are mostly all gone now.

Look between my eyebrows folks! Do you see a huge deep line? I THINK NOT!!! Those who don't know me won't be impressed but I am betting my mother will be amazed. Even Sam, who is a guy even though he drinks an occasional cosmopolitan and probably wears pink boxers, knew I was going to do it and about 10 days after we were sitting at dinner and he said "Wow! It really is a difference."

For those who don't believe in cosmetic procedures just chill out. I don't either. I am happy with who I am and only every now and then do I wish to be 20 again and married to a very old, very wealthy, very terminally ill man so I'm not seeking that. But I do want to appear on the outside the way I feel on the inside and these few very bad lines made me look like I am an angry person. Granted I was an angry person by definition for several years but I'm not anymore and it really bothered me that even when I was smiling I looked like I was angry. And since there is a totally painless brief injection that can make that go away for a few months I see no reason not to do it. I only hope I can find a way to keep doing it until my tits droop so far south it isn't worth it any more.

In which case I hope the tattoo I WILL eventually get draws focus.

My Dogs

2008-03-20T18:02:00.005-04:00

Sorry to have disappeared for so long. Since I arrived January 5 this project has become more of a nightmare instead of less of one and I am really really hoping we reached the low point the past 10 days because I have grown weary of the drama. I love the Chileans but they can be bigger drama queens than I could ever hope to be.

I've been wanting to talk about the dogs. Here in Santiago dogs wander the streets. Some are obviously street dogs, especially out near the airport where our warehouse/office is, but many seem to be pets who are let out to roam the way we used to do in the States back before we all got a clue.

When we first moved from our temporary office to our permanent office at the warehouse back in January there was a dog. This is a bonded warehouse which if you don't know what that is please don't ask me to explain but it has to do with customs control and shipments arriving from outside the country and it is a highly secure place. The entire warehouse complex is surrounded by a security fence and we have guards on duty and they have to inspect the trunks of cars that come into and out of the grounds. Even if they know us and we show up at the exact same time every day they open the trunks. This dog was living on the warehouse grounds and so of course being the total animal victim that I am I bought a box of dog treats and I keep them in the office and every now and then when I go out for a smoke I give the dog a treat. This is her:

She is a true old lady mutt and is fairly well fed for a dog here in Santiago - she eats the scraps from the warehouse workers' lunches. She loves her treats and she loves me because I talk to her and pet her and evidently she hasn't gotten much of that until I came around. She has a name - something like Martina - but I have only heard one of the guards call her by name and he has a really thick Chilean accent. She is lazy and in the afternoons she looks like this

OK so anyway. I bonded with Girl (I call her "Girl" since she speaks Spanish anyway). Girl gets let out of the locked gate a few times a day to wander the streets (!!!) and early one morning we were getting settled in the office and I heard this horrible dogscream from the street and I ran to the window and everyone who has a window desk was telling me "It's OK - it isn't your dog" and when I looked out this little black dog was limping on the sidewalk across the street and I watched as he squeezed under a fence and limped off, obviously wounded but also obviously not immediately mortally so. This little dog stayed on my mind, especially since I didn't see him again. About 4 or 5 days later I left to go back to the US for a week.

The morning after I returned we pulled into the warehouse and the little black dog was outside our fence. Sam told me it was the one who had been hit by the car and he had been kind of hanging out.

All that week the little black dog was hanging out outside the fence. He is a tenacious little guy and spent the whole day outside the fence and when we left at night he was sleeping on the grass and when we arrived in the morning he was still there. About Wednesday I started passing dog biscuits out the fence to him and he was so obviously starving. You could see his ribs and he just wanted so much to be at this place. I talked to him and he is just a puppy and I squeezed my hand through the fence and he would "chew" on it but very carefully - he never put a scratch on me.

Friday last week I was at the end of my rope about this dog who was just so hungry and so at the end of the day I scavenged for lunch leftovers in the kitchen. I came up with two rolls and one banana. I took them out and asked the one female guard "por favor" and she opened the gate for me. He inhaled them.

Saturday we worked. When I got in the car that morning I told Jorge I was going to work on a Saturday on ONE condition. Jorge is scared of me (and rightfully so - he fucking SHOULD be) so he was willing to accommodate. I told him I was going on the condition that we first go to the mall near the office and go to the grocery store so I could buy a bag of dog food and while we were at it we could buy some breakfast stuff for the staff who are so beaten down it isn't funny.

Last Saturday my little black dog experienced heaven. At the store I bought more treats for Girl and a huge bag of food for little black dog and two stainless steel bowls - one to hold his food and one for water, which I have no idea where he had been drinking but once I saw him drink thirstily from a dirty mop bucket. Little black dog last Saturday was fed from bowls - all he could eat or drink. We had leftover salmon sandwiches from lunch and I snuck a couple of them out to him and he hoovered them. There are a lot of dogs here y'all and this one stands out - he is a pet quality dog with so much love and he only wants to please and be a puppy and eat and drink water. I brought 4 Petsmart tennis balls back with me from Atlanta last time I was home for Girl but she is so old and lazy and I threw one and she looked up at me like I was the gringa loca that I am so I gave them to Eduardo and he loves to play with his balls in the office. Saturday I took one of them back and little black dog learned to play fetch and he is good at it. Eduardo gladly gave up one of his 4 balls because he is scared of me. And rightfully so.

A couple of days ago one of the guards told me (in Spanish but I understood because I can understand like maybe 4 or 5 words) that this guy's name is "Cholo." So the guards have named him and the guards let him in every now and then and the guards even sneak him food because I have witnessed it. So I started calling him "Cholo." Yesterday someone was leaving and I was talking to Cholo and I called him Cholo and this guy laughed and so I thought maybe I should look up the word on my translater. Cholo means "hybrid" or "of mixed heritage." How perfect is that?

Many people from our customer have been at our office for the past two months - temporarily there kind of full time until this operation is on track - and they are basically arrogant and superior SOBs. One in particular has complained about the dog (Girl) not fitting with their image. There is no signage or anything else which would identify this property as serving theirs and Girl has been around a long time here and anyway it is OUR company who rents the office space to THEM and so everyone on our side told them basically they were full of shit. One guy in particular approached me about me befriending Cholo and I told him to his face that Cholo was starving to death and how would it look for their image if the front lawn was covered with the dead bodies of starving dogs? I managed to twist it so that I was protecting THEIR image. I have to fight for this every day.

That said Cholo needs a home. He is the most loving dog. Seriously. And I am not a dog person. Also I don't have a lifestyle at this point to be able to have a dog or this would be a no-brainer for me. He would be with me for life because he really is that good. But I travel too much and it would not be fair to this great dog for me to take him to the US where he has to learn another language only for me to leave for 1 or 4 or 8 months. Cats can deal. Dogs can not. In one week I have almost taught him to not jump up. He is tenacious. He is loving. He certainly needs to be de-wormed and needs shots. He needs to travel to the US if there will be a loving kind home there. He needs to be neutered so there will be fewer excellent pet-quality dogs wandering the streets starving to death.

So I love this pup enough that I am willing to go half on the cost of travel which is not certain but at least a few hundred. If anyone wants to consider it I will get specifics. This really is a most excellent, intelligent, loving dog. Anyone? Anyone? Don't make me bring this dog home to a family where he is abandened for months on end . . . and don't make me leave him here on the streets of Santiago when all he wants is love.

Just say the word.